Reply to Newly Divorced -- Is it Okay to Reach out to Divorced Friends for a Social Assist?

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Reply to "Newly Divorced -- Is it Okay to Reach out to Divorced Friends for a Social Assist?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

The children are older than middle school, to the extent that matters to posters.  My focus has always been them and their needs firstt, and my own mental and physical health second.  We have had quite some time now to adjust to the 'new normal' as the process has already taken several years, and their dad/my ex walked away at the beginning of that period and has maintained only occasional contact (two days a month on average).

I have very supportive and kind married and single/divorced friendships both, which have helped me greatly.  I respect any marriage, partnership, and/or dating relationship, having lived firsthand through the devastation of an extramarital affair, so I feel awkward being the third wheel to any sort of couple relationship.  I was considering reaching out only to men who I know are single and unattached in any way, thinking they might be more likely to socialize in a similarly unattached cohort.

The general consensus seems to be that my assumption is wrong and that I might come across as desperate.  I really do not feel comfortable with an online approach, so perhaps the previous poster is right that I should continue my focus on the family and take some more time.  Thank you all for the very helpful advice.[/quote]

Don’t necessarily give up on dating. If you aren’t comfortable with online dating, the suggestions people were making were around pursuing interests/hobbies that expand your social circle and doing something you enjoy so you feel happy whether or not you meet someone you are interested in dating.  Another option is being the social glue that brings your single friends of both sides together for a one time event like your birthday or to more frequently socializing  together like a bowling league (if they like to bowl). Another more direct  possibility - look into a matchmaker - more expensive than online dating but maybe the process and having someone guide you is what you need. I recently read an NPR story about someone that hired a matchmaker https://www.npr.org/2018/01/23/579884656/even-in-the-days-of-tinder-old-school-matchmakers-are-needed

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