Anonymous wrote:

I’ve buried a daughter and divorced over a 3 year separation, and a lot of conflict and contempt is directed to me as the mother. Everyone grieves everything differently. No judgment?

The most important work for any healthy relationship is self-work, but there is nothing wrong with a male friendship and specially platonic? Nothing wrong with dating as long as your 100% transparent about where you are in the process up front with dates, and you never put your child at a disadvantage. It’s tricky to navigate all of the patterns in life and a tightrope walk at times. Try not to be so hard on each other

Anonymous wrote:I had guy friends go on practice dates with me after my divorce. They were awesome and supportive. I would reach out and let them know you need some practice. Everyone likes a good dinner companion!

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly wants to date and is ready. It is such a crazy non-sequitur to immediately jump to telling her to wait longer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Be lonely. Grieve the loss. That’s not what we going on the last 3 years. You were just getting through. It’s different now.

OP divorced the guy; she’s not mourning his death. You’re trying to solve a problem OP doesn’t have.

Hello there, person who hasnt ever been divorced! For many people it is a legit grieving process. You have to grieve the loss of all the hopes and dreams you had for the marriage.

Hello there, person who has apparently never buried a husband or wife. No, it’s not a law of nature that you _have_ to grieve at the end of a marriage. At least past OP’s 3 years of separation.

Anonymous wrote:OP clearly wants to date and is ready. It is such a crazy non-sequitur to immediately jump to telling her to wait longer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Be lonely. Grieve the loss. That’s not what we going on the last 3 years. You were just getting through. It’s different now.

OP divorced the guy; she’s not mourning his death. You’re trying to solve a problem OP doesn’t have.

Hello there, person who hasnt ever been divorced! For many people it is a legit grieving process. You have to grieve the loss of all the hopes and dreams you had for the marriage.

Hello there, person who has apparently never buried a husband or wife. No, it’s not a law of nature that you _have_ to grieve at the end of a marriage. At least past OP’s 3 years of separation.

I guess if you're a stone-cold psychopath you won't grieve, but anyone normal will certainly grieve.

I guess if you're addicted to drama you can keep grieving AFTER THREE YEARS HAVE PASSED.

Separation isnt the same as the finality of divorce. It's a weird transitional time. For some people they can't start the processing until it's fully over. I was doing great by the time my separation was over and the divorce was a relief. But I can understand how someone might not feel the same way.

You seem really angry. Maybe you need to do some processing yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Be lonely. Grieve the loss. That’s not what we going on the last 3 years. You were just getting through. It’s different now.

OP divorced the guy; she’s not mourning his death. You’re trying to solve a problem OP doesn’t have.

Hello there, person who hasnt ever been divorced! For many people it is a legit grieving process. You have to grieve the loss of all the hopes and dreams you had for the marriage.

Hello there, person who has apparently never buried a husband or wife. No, it’s not a law of nature that you _have_ to grieve at the end of a marriage. At least past OP’s 3 years of separation.

I guess if you're a stone-cold psychopath you won't grieve, but anyone normal will certainly grieve.

Anonymous wrote:

The children are older than middle school, to the extent that matters to posters. My focus has always been them and their needs firstt, and my own mental and physical health second. We have had quite some time now to adjust to the 'new normal' as the process has already taken several years, and their dad/my ex walked away at the beginning of that period and has maintained only occasional contact (two days a month on average).

I have very supportive and kind married and single/divorced friendships both, which have helped me greatly. I respect any marriage, partnership, and/or dating relationship, having lived firsthand through the devastation of an extramarital affair, so I feel awkward being the third wheel to any sort of couple relationship. I was considering reaching out only to men who I know are single and unattached in any way, thinking they might be more likely to socialize in a similarly unattached cohort.

The general consensus seems to be that my assumption is wrong and that I might come across as desperate. I really do not feel comfortable with an online approach, so perhaps the previous poster is right that I should continue my focus on the family and take some more time. Thank you all for the very helpful advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Be lonely. Grieve the loss. That’s not what we going on the last 3 years. You were just getting through. It’s different now.

OP divorced the guy; she’s not mourning his death. You’re trying to solve a problem OP doesn’t have.

Hello there, person who hasnt ever been divorced! For many people it is a legit grieving process. You have to grieve the loss of all the hopes and dreams you had for the marriage.

Hello there, person who has apparently never buried a husband or wife. No, it’s not a law of nature that you _have_ to grieve at the end of a marriage. At least past OP’s 3 years of separation.

I guess if you're a stone-cold psychopath you won't grieve, but anyone normal will certainly grieve.

I guess if you're addicted to drama you can keep grieving AFTER THREE YEARS HAVE PASSED.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Be lonely. Grieve the loss. That’s not what we going on the last 3 years. You were just getting through. It’s different now.

OP divorced the guy; she’s not mourning his death. You’re trying to solve a problem OP doesn’t have.

Hello there, person who hasnt ever been divorced! For many people it is a legit grieving process. You have to grieve the loss of all the hopes and dreams you had for the marriage.

Hello there, person who has apparently never buried a husband or wife. No, it’s not a law of nature that you _have_ to grieve at the end of a marriage. At least past OP’s 3 years of separation.

I guess if you're a stone-cold psychopath you won't grieve, but anyone normal will certainly grieve.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Be lonely. Grieve the loss. That’s not what we going on the last 3 years. You were just getting through. It’s different now.

OP divorced the guy; she’s not mourning his death. You’re trying to solve a problem OP doesn’t have.

Hello there, person who hasnt ever been divorced! For many people it is a legit grieving process. You have to grieve the loss of all the hopes and dreams you had for the marriage.

Hello there, person who has apparently never buried a husband or wife. No, it’s not a law of nature that you _have_ to grieve at the end of a marriage. At least past OP’s 3 years of separation.