Reply to Is the concept of a matriarch passe?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]It's not a "battle" if you just say no, or shrug, or smile blandly and say "hmm" and keep doing what you want. [/quote]

This X100. DH's grandmother has always hosted on his side of the family. She is a firm believer in boundaries and never once pushed any control or advice on parenting or anything else on her kids or grandchildren. Holidays were always at her house. She is very logical. For Thanksgiving, she would establish a full family year and an off family year. On the off family year, her married children would visit their in-laws and she would simply host something smaller for whomever was leftover. For Christmas, she would host Christmas Eve and Christmas Day never pushing for anyone to attend both or complaining if one year one household was going to their in laws. As she has gotten older, she has transferred some of the Thanksgiving, Easter and other holidays to some of her great grand children.

In constrast, her younger child who is DH's aunt is desperately, drooling to become the matriarch now that Grandma is getting older. This aunt does not live in a house large enough to host but she desperately wants to be the host. Over the years, some of her siblings - grandma's other children have tried to host and she always manipulated it back to grandma's house where she put herself in charge because grandma was old. She's tolerated having it hosted at some of the great grandchildren's houses but she has inserted herself to a ridiculous degree. She demands to coordinate and tell everyone including the host what to do, she make the biggest deal of how much work it was, she basically pretends that she is the host. She throws a fit whenever someone stands up to her. Her siblings have all just decided to ignore and avoid. They host for the other sides of their family. They attend occasionally but ignore her. The great grandkids that get excited about hosting never last more than two years with her horse shit. When grandmas dies, this side of the family will probably never get together because of the wanna be matriarch.

So to the OP's question, yes I do think that some people who are controlling attention seekers desperately want to be a matriarch. [/quote]

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