Reply to I feel like I’m losing all my friends in my 40s

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wish I had advice. I’m in the same boat, and I’ve also made the same observations. Many of the people I was close with seem to be struggling with something - either legitimately bad luck, or the chickens coming home to roost in some form. [/quote]

+1 There’s a podcast about women in their 40s called Forties Stories and this has come up.[/quote]

+2.   It’s sad.  I remember my mom going through the same thing, and I was very surprised by that.   I guess that’s life.[/quote]

What are you saying here?  It's sad that you can't get together with others because they are struggling?  How about you support them?  As one of those people struggling right now, I certainly hope my friends aren't thinking like this.[/quote]

No one is saying that.  It is just that your 40s is when many people start to really live with the decisions they made for themselves in their 20s and 30s.  For example, careers that never took off, poor choices of spouses, behavioral issues with their kids which are no longer able to be ignored, and so on...  I've actually supported quite a few friends in the past few years who were going through all kinds of awful stuff, but at some point I have found that these women just don't want a compassionate, listening ear from someone who is happily married and financially secure.  Because when your life is that way, you turn into someone who is really triggering for them, and then the friendship becomes all about their problems.  When a friend is struggling, I don't feel comfortable sharing my life with them, and after a few years of that, it gets old for me, too.[/quote]

Maybe you didn’t intend this from your post, but frankly you sound like a really selfish self-centered person. So are you saying that you have no interest in supporting your friends if they are going through hard times because it “gets old”? Good luck with that because when you yourself are struggling with something ( and we all do eventually) , no one is gonna to be around to be there for you. Friendships go both ways. If you actually cared about your friends you wold understand that. Sounds like all your friendships were superficial to begin with. Real friends are there for each other - no matter how long someone is struggling with something. [/quote]

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