Reply to What age is reasonable to expect good behavior from children?

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[quote=Anonymous]I think there are two kind of general ways to answer this question. If the question is...

1) When can I expect a kid to be able to suck it up in the event of an unexpected set back that makes the afternoon or day difficult?

Than for me this is 3 years old IMO. We had a day last summer where we were flying with then almost 3 yr old DD and 1 yr old DS and had a series of flight delays that resulted in A LOT of sitting around in airports or on airplanes just waiting for things to unfold. While her parents got progressively more stressed and emotional themselves as it was a truly spectacular fail of a day.

I think age 2/3, if you treat the kid like a person who can understand what is going on around them, a 2/3 year old can take in the fact that whatever is going on around them is not good and the adults are trying their best to get the ship back on course and try to suck it up a bit. They might have the occasional meltdown, but if you're open with them about what is happening and why and how you're trying to fix it they can keep it together for a long time.

My daughter is pretty good at this now at almost 4. I can be really up front with her about what is going on and ask her to like, keep quiet and behave and work with me and she will try hard to do that, even if she occasionally has a bad moment. She also knows to tell me if she's hungry or has to go to the bathroom or something so we can keep those basic needs met and keep her as steady as we can.

2) When can I just leave the house without packing a goody bag?

I feel like the answer here is, when you feel comfortable with the idea that you might have to buy something on the go. If I am out and about and hungry and losing my patience I will dip into a starbucks or something for a snack for myself. Packing the sandwich and strawberries is just the preventative version of that. If I was going to the grocery store after work I'd probably eat a couple grapes out of the bag as I strolled myself.

I think the other element is just doing this with your kid a lot. My kids have gone to the grocery store so generally are comfortable there and don't act badly. They have all gone on errand days and roll with it and I just make sure we go to the bathroom and get food as needed, same as I would do for myself. My son will still start to cry if he gets too hungry or tired, but I imagine another year or so of dragging him around and he'll be used to the deal.

What you're talking about is a continuum. Kids learn how to get through a day while occasionally kind of muscling through or while setting themselves up for a not miserable day. By 12 they should all be able to do this, at 2 probably a very few will be able to do this. You're teaching your kid how to interact with the world all the time. I find that the more I talk to my kid and explain to them what is going on as well as encourage them to use language to talk about what is bothering them the better they get. Basically I treat them like little grown ups who I would be open with if I were on an adventure with. Sometimes we have meltdowns but less and less. Because they are getting more experienced with doing stuff like that and they get more able to express themselves. [/quote]

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