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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
My mother developed multiple sclerosis at 26, a few years after she started seeing my father. He has been taking good care of her for the past 44 years.

Here's the thing with debilitating chronic disease: it does something to the patient. They need to psychologically protect themselves from the fact that they are a burden to their caretakers. So they can become self-centered, demanding, and unwilling to sympathize with their caretakers' troubles. This is an unconscious and natural development, but it can be tough to manage.

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You’ve posted this before. Can you point to the reputable sources that say this, or is this what you observed in a handful of situations you have personally encountered? [/quote]

I haven't looked for sources, truthfully. I've observed this in all the people with handicapping chronic illnesses, and I am convinced it happens in the great majority of cases. It's inevitable, really, and I'm not judging. [/quote]

You’re full of crap.[/quote]

Agreed, she's full of crap.   I feel sorry for her because she won't know the beauty in trying to remain strong while you weather an illness and can't appreciate that beauty in others.

My mother had a series of strokes.  The first one changed her personality a bit and left her with a few minor physical limitations, which frustrated her.  My dad stayed by her side and treated her with incredible kindness, even on her roughest days.  I was so proud of her for everything she'd try to do.  She didn't sit there and let people wait on her hand and foot.  She did all she could even when it was next to impossible for her.  She just kept on trying.  She still wanted to take care of my dad in all of the ways she always had.  I was in awe of her.  The subsequent strokes did more damage and the final one left her unable to walk, talk, or eat.  They had conversations in front of all of us for years where they both agreed not to keep the other one alive in that state--neither wanted to live that way and be that much of a burden to the other.  When he placed her in home hospice care it nearly killed him.  She died at home.  He held her in his arms and sang to her as she passed.  I have never been more proud of him in my life than I was while I watched him go through this struggle.

So excuse me when I call crap on you saying that people who deal with illness give up and become mean or when others said they'd walk away and leave the spouse to deal with it.  I'm so thankful my family didn't set either of those examples for me.[/quote]

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