Reply to Narcissistic mother rewriting history

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To be fair, there are borderlines who have narcissistic traits.

But honestly, the diagnosis isn’t important. A lay person isn’t qualified to diagnose anyway. All that matters is whether OP can tolerate the behavior and whether the mother consistently violates reasonable norms and requests. If the behavior is intolerable and the mother is a boundary violator, then there is a limited set of solutions —reduced or no contact, very strict boundaries if there is contact, and therapy.

OP, keep in mind also that DCUM is often an infotainment website. This is a hard place to get good advice about difficult topics.[/quote]

NP here. My mom is borderline AND a narc. She thinks nothing of trotting me out like some horse and pony show to meet her 'friends', and if I don't comply she starts saying I don't care about her and that her friends aren't important to me. It's obvious to me that she's setting all these 'tests' to confirm my loyalty to her or whatever BS parameter she has in her mind. The level of badgering from her over decades has worn me down so much I've decided not to see her next time I'm in town although she has Stage 4 cancer. Boundaries don't work with borderlines because they cannot appreciate anyone else's point of view. They cannot put themselves in YOUR shoes and they don't care or don't think about the distress they are causing to YOU. It's eff-ed up and it is what it is. I've told my mom to "RESPECT MY BOUNDARIES" and her only response is to glare at me and pout like a child before deflecting ("No, if only you had...."). Maybe some adult children set themselves up to be martyrs and take the bad behavior but not me. [/quote]

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