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[quote=Anonymous]I'm on of the PPs who changed schools. It is making such a huge difference in our DD.

When DD was 12, it did help us that she was diagnosed with ADHD, Depression and Anxiety. That was a enough baseline for us to figure out medications, school supports,  a change in our parenting approach.   Starting at about age 14-15, we have seen patterns resembling BPD as well. We had talked to the therapist about it who said that patients don't usually get diagnosed until their early 20s.

Does it matter what the diagnosis is at this point?   Our therapist said it does not matter if she gets an official BPD diagnosis. There is no medication for BPD. It's a pattern of behavior that has can be managed.  It's called a "disorder" because it is different from the norm.  A lot of what they do in therapy for BPD such as validation techniques, CBT, DBT can apply to everyone, even those without an mental illness.

When we learned about DD's self-harm and suicidal ideation, we freaked out.  Called our doctor. Doctor said to call 911 if we thought we needed to.  We hesitated.  I told DH about a post that I saw on DCUM about how we may "lose control" of her treatment if we call 911 and then they send her to a psychiatric ward. That particular post mentioned how sometimes parents will send their kid to Dominion thinking that they are sending their car to the shop for an overhaul. Kid should come out of treatment bright, shiny and new.   The situation seemed really urgent at the time but we decided to take our time to understand what was going on.   I have to say that was a decision we made for ourselves only and may not apply to other families, but even now, we think it was the right decision.

DBT was such a huge help. We went through a 6-month weekly therapy program that had parent sessions that ran concurrently, but separate from our kid's sessions.  In addition, our kid was going through weekly individual CBT.  We reinforced what we learned from these sessions at home and consciously worked on our relationship with her every single day.

I really like this article from Psychology Today that said: 
[i]For most patients, DSM diagnostic categories are a poor and extraordinarily limiting way of understanding emotional suffering  First, most patients don't come to us packaged in clear-cut diagnostic categories. Second, DSM assumes it is useful to view emotional suffering as a “disease,” like influenza or diabetes or ringworm. It fosters the fiction that you can treat emotional pain as an encapsulated illness that is separable from the person experiencing the pain. But most of the problems that bring people to treatment are woven into the fabric of their lives. It is less a question of what the patient “has” than who they are—their way of being in the world.[/i]

What made such a huge difference for us was changing schools.  Public school was such a toxic environment for her and she was really suffering.  Once we got her out of that environment to a much nurturing place, she was able to step back, feel safe, and learn about herself.  Just recently, our DD who is now 17 said that she finally wants to better herself and stop the self-harm.  THIS is how we wanted things to go- for her to make that decision on her own, through her own thinking, and not because she was pressed into making it while she was at Dominion.  We have scaled back her therapy sessions. She is now like a regular teen.  I'm sure we aren't "out of the woods" but we are in a much, much better place and I can feel hopeful.  My next wish is that she gains some strong coping skills and stays away from alcohol and drugs.

Here are a couple of books that helped me:  
-Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
-100 Questions & Answers About Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in Women and Girls

Good luck OP, it's a journey.  [/quote]

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