Reply to Mad at my kids. Mad at myself, feeling like a failure

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[quote=Anonymous]Kids are selfish. You have to teach them. It sounds like you gave the kids too much choice. There's a point at which you say ok, you guys aren't coming up with anything yourselves which is disappointing since I know you love your dad. But that's ok, here's what we're going to do. And then you make them do it. You don't wait until they're ready, you do it when you're ready. And you review the cards, and the work and make them pick an appropriate card. And you ignore, or correct, the complaining and the whining. Because you're teaching them what to do and how to do it.

And when they complain you point out they could have come up with something that they and their dad would have enjoyed, but they declined so they're stuck doing what you thought of. Perhaps next year, or for the next birthday, they'll do better.

It sucks. You know they're capable of better and it's frustrating to have to walk them through it like a toddler. But they're still learning, and you have to keep walking them through it until they get it.

They're also old enough for you to be blunt with them and tell them they're being selfish and inconsiderate, and how would they feel if they got a "to my nephew" and a piece of paper with "happy birthday or whatever" scribbled on it for their birthday.

And cut yourself some slack. You thought they could handle this - you were thinking highly of them. You were wrong. So what? As parents we regularly think our kids are going to handle something, only to have them fail, or not be able to handle something, only to have them knock it out of the park. It happens. You gave them an opportunity to be thoughtful and responsible and they didn't take the opportunity. [/quote]

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