Reply to "Take us on a trip"

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Reply to ""Take us on a trip""

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[quote=Anonymous]I see 3 big issues:

1) The biggest and most problematic is that you and your DH are not in agreement about budget/trips/family relationships. Many others have given good advice about this so I won’t elaborate.

2) You have a weird hang up about discussing money.... Personally, I would take a break from these trips with the ILs, but eventually, next time you go, you need to discuss the finances. Ask ahead of time about the hotel, itinerary, etc. If your husband won’t ask, it’s fine to send them an email yourself asking for the details. This is a condition of going. You need to put your foot down about going on trips with infinite budgets. And if their hotel is ridiculous, you can also say “That’s out of our budget, but I found a great hotel nearby for half the price! Here’s the link. Let us know if you want to stay there with us.”

Also, if other family members are making comments about how you don’t let the ILs take you on trips - implying the ILs are paying..... You can say, “Unfortunately, we cant afford to go on that trip.” If they push, be even more blunt: “We would need to take money out of our 401K or go into debt to pay for that trip and we are not willing to do that. The kids have been asking about a grandparent visit, I hope they come see us soon!”

3) Stop treating grandparent desires as orders! 
Next time you go on a trip, figure out some activities you want to do with the kids to make the day run smoothly. Speak up about naps/schedules and preferences. Say something like “I need to plan something active for the kids that day - would you guys like to join us at the playground next to the Botanical gardens or meet up later?” Basically, start acting like you’re all adults planning a trip together. The current setup sounds more like you’re a little kid and the grandparents are the adults deciding what happens. 
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