Reply to anyone drop the rope with their spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Not wrong. It’s dishonest to marry a big earner, reap the benefits and then bail out of the agreement in the middle, causing tremendous family turmoil. 
At least wait until the kids are grown - it’s the respectable thing to do.[/quote]

Again, read the OP. It sounds like the balance of family life was discussed and OP was given the impression that the work intensity would die down, and it didn't. Perhaps she should have believed what she was seeing, rather than what he was saying. But for the love of God, drop the obsession with insisting that women all marry for "big money". Most of us don't want to partner with wealthy, uninvolved men. Including OP.[/quote]

It was dishonest of her to believe that and I’m sure that she knew in the back of her mind that that wasn’t true. Unless he quits his job for a 9-5 government job he’s apparently going to need help to be involved much with the family. And I doubt that she would be happy with him being a GS-13 in the govt but she could have that discussion with him.

You hear women nonstop talk about marrying for money. If you do that you don’t ‘drop the rope’  mid marriage and kids. [/quote]

OP here - I was trying so hard to not respond to you but fine I'll bite.  1) Drop the rope means stopping caring / expecting him to be any different than he is today.  Just accept the situation for what it is and make my decisions around it.  You seem to think it means to divorce him and take all his money or something.

2) Women (like men) value a variety of different things in a spouse and prioritize for that a variety of ways so I'm not speaking for all women or other anecdotes you've seen.  For myself, I never ever prioritized being wealthy or living a luxury lifestyle and actively tried to orient my life with that not as a primary goal.  DH and I went to the same MBA program (where we met) and then the same career path.  That path has a lot of flexibility, you can make tons of money and you can also go a different route and after a few years and have a reasonable salary and good work life balance - that's what prior to marriage we discussed and agreed we would both do after putting in our dues for a few years to get on that path (and what I did).  We both care about our careers and of course I wanted to be able to pay our bills / provide for our kids without stressing every month, but I wouldn't trade a wealthier lifestyle for one or both of us largely checking out of family life to earn it.  I believe emotionally he wishes he could do this and was this person but his anxiety and other insecurities get the best of him and when push comes to shove he gets both a lot of external validation from the intense path and it both feeds and eases his anxiety.   I/we do not use the money we have today, do not need more money, and I would happily have him be a stay at home dad while I continued in my job and we lived off just my salary if that would make him happy.  He'd be miserable though without the external validation and so much unstructured time and domestic tasks so that option is not on the table. [/quote]

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