Reply to anyone drop the rope with their spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]am just considering stopping asking anything of him. I'd hire more help to take care of chores at home, make a career change so I could have the time to meet all the kids' needs, and just leave it to DH to engage with our family or not as he chooses. I don't think the kids would suffer, he'd be like a 1980s dad, he can be super fun and engaged when he's not distracted by work and would spend a couple hours focused on them during the weekend, and I'd fully take on ensuring their need for stability, emotional support, and logistical needs are met. [/quote]

That's exactly what I did.  I shared plans and then it was up to my spouse.  It worked great.  Sometimes I was solo with the kids - probably most of the time.  And, sometimes we did things as a family.  I took my kids on vacations by myself - even out of the country.  I took them camping by myself.  I took them to NYC at Christmas alone and everyone thought I was nuts because I had three young kids.  But, it was the better alternative for us.  My kids are older now and I have no regrets.  I have great relationships with them and great memories with them.  And, once I accepted that this is who we were, I stopped having stress in my house over it.  [/quote]

How did your spouse view what you did?  Did he acknowledge the work you were putting in and recognize your contributions or think you were just living the dream life and lost an feeling of responsibility to engage?  Was this what you wanted in terms of life (nothing wrong with that) or would have preferred to have had a career also but felt it was impossible to work in without losing your mind.[/quote]

It worked for us.  It wasn't what I had hoped for when we had kids.  But, it was far better than the alternative when they were growing up.  I hated the waiting, grumpiness, etc.  When it came to trips, we always agreed to them (except maybe camping and I would do that spur of the moment if we had free weekends), but then often I was the only adult going.  There was no animosity on either side and never any complaining of how much I spent of trips with the kids.  On the flip side, I also did almost all of the kid things that get mind numbingly boring, like taking them to the pool every night in the summer or driving activity car pools.  So, it's a trade off.  And, like I said, no regrets on my part - the kids and I always had a good time and we didn't have the weight of someone who didn't want to be there dragging us down.  Also, I found a job early on that was perfect for me and my lifestyle and has allowed me to advance and still have a good family work life balance.  In fact, I've stayed with the company for almost two decades and have no plans to leave until I retire.  [/quote]

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