Reply to anyone drop the rope with their spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]This is OP - yeah some days it works and others he just reacts like a teenager rebelling against mom and refusing.  It's not like after one nice request to get out of bed and join us for the zoo he cheerfully does it, its 30 minutes of trying to stay cheerful and positive doing it to his grouchiness back and then if I'm successful in getting him to go 2 hours later he'll say something like "Wow, I always feel so much better when I get out of bed and do something!" like that's shocking news every time.  I feel like instead of him having to take responsibility for his own happiness it creates a soul crushing dynamic for me of having to try to talk him into it and a parent/child dynamic for him where he can rebel and put blame on me instead of taking responsibility for himself.

This all sounds so miserable - but day to day I'm not unhappy, I just can't handle it all anymore.  When he is engaged we all have a lot of fun, day to day our life isn't miserable, I just am so tired of having to prod him along and its painful to have to do that.  Part of me wants to just stop caring / fighting it and remove that whole day to day conflict from our lives by arranging my life around who he is.  I'd rather be able to balance my own fairly demanding job with homelife, but if I think I'd rather just accept that and scale back some and stop excepting him to be able to carry some of the home front load without management.   I'm not sure I can do it though and truly let the hope / resentment go.  [/quote]

OP you've got nice insight into your situation. That's great. And two kids in diapers...you're going to look back on these years and be really proud of yourself for just getting through! I'm the single mom who responded above and honestly I couldn't handle having to cheerfully orchestrate an unwilling spouse out of bed, so I applaud you for trying. I also think it's healthy you're realized that that particular dynamic is f*cked. :) I think a mindset switch is a great approach. Allows you to be proactive and move forward without focusing on resenting your spouse. He'll either rejoin eventually (or he won't), but I believe in the old adage that you don't make permanent decisions about a marriage while the kids are tiny (absent extreme situations, of course). The landscape still has too much potential change. Good luck and keep moving forward. [/quote]

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