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[quote=Anonymous][quote]am just considering stopping asking anything of him. I'd hire more help to take care of chores at home, make a career change so I could have the time to meet all the kids' needs, and just leave it to DH to engage with our family or not as he chooses. I don't think the kids would suffer, he'd be like a 1980s dad, he can be super fun and engaged when he's not distracted by work and would spend a couple hours focused on them during the weekend, and I'd fully take on ensuring their need for stability, emotional support, and logistical needs are met. [/quote]

That's exactly what I did.  I shared plans and then it was up to my spouse.  It worked great.  Sometimes I was solo with the kids - probably most of the time.  And, sometimes we did things as a family.  I took my kids on vacations by myself - even out of the country.  I took them camping by myself.  I took them to NYC at Christmas alone and everyone thought I was nuts because I had three young kids.  But, it was the better alternative for us.  My kids are older now and I have no regrets.  I have great relationships with them and great memories with them.  And, once I accepted that this is who we were, I stopped having stress in my house over it.  [/quote]

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