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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Because you describe your ex as abusive, read the book Why’ve does He Do That: Inside The Minds of Abusive and Angry Men by Lundy Bancroft.

I read this book and it taught me what to look for as signs of abusive behavior. It took years, but I’m now in a relationship with the kind of man you describe. He’s thoughtful, generous, kind, loving, and he loves my son and there are zero signs of abuse. [/quote]

Also, I bet I could spot your ex’s abuse a mile away after what I went through. If you read the book above you’ll see it too, and you’ll know how to avoid it in the future - by taking things slow and watching carefully for red flags. They exist, you just have to be willing to act when you see them. [/quote]

I agree with this. I married an abusive man the first time around. After we split up I went to lots of therapy and did lots of reading. I didn't deserve the emotional and physical abuse but I was a doormat and should not have accepted his treatment of me.

Now I am married to a guy like you describe. He was married previously though. Don't rule them out! I love him so much and he just turned to me last night and  said he was so excited that it is our 15th Valentine's Day together- a little sweet fact that I hadn't even thought about.

And honestly it just takes time to really figure out who people are b/c so many people put on facades. But doing some work on yourself and reading about how jerks like your ex think is really helpful. I still use this way of assessing people at work! [/quote]

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