Reply to impact of Alcoholics Anonymous on marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous]My spouse was in recovery/AA when we met (6 or 7 years sober), so I never knew them drunk. But, I do remember being jealous of their time at meetings, and meeting friend group.  So I went to Al-Anon (not for me, I don't drink and not an enabler, and they couldn't help me not be jealous.

I went to a few meetings with spouse.  Didnt get it.  Everyone telling stories of how miserable they were, how much better it is now, or how they slipped but are going to try again, and very self promoting/self congratulating.

And, spouse has told me they do not want to go back to that painful place where they were when drinking.  We've been married over 20 years, have 3 children.  Spouse still goes to meetings twice a week.  If that's what spouse needs to be a sane person not drinking, it is fine with me.  There were times spouse needed to go more than twice a week (stress of young kids, job stress, whatever). And sometimes less.  When we go away on vacation for a week, spouse always finds a meeting where we will be.  I am no longer jealous of those people and the time at meetings (secure in relationship, not worried about spouse slipping at this point - has close to 30 years sobriety), and I just realized it wasn't for me, but it was for spouse, fine, it could be for spouse.

If you cannot handle what your spouse needs to remain sober, then you have to decide if you are in this for the long haul (in sickness and in health and all that).   Because addiction is a disease that has to be managed the entire rest of your life.  If you can't handle that, you have to give up on your marriage, because spouse needs that to survive.[/quote]

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