Reply to One year after I ended my affair and I’d appreciate hearing from those who BTDT

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Cogiteur][quote=Anonymous]I am a married woman in my mid 30s and had an 8 week affair that I ended a year ago today. I ended it because I felt guilty about what I was doing to my husband, my kids and my responsibilities and basically recognized I couldn’t keep up the double life. We only saw each other five times during that period as we live in different places.

When is it normal to be past this? I am not past it. I think of him every day, multiple times a day. So many things make me think of him. I replay everything in my head, I wonder what he’s doing, and waste a lot of energy feeling relatively despondent about it all. It was the happiest I have been in years and years and now it’s all gone and I’m never going to get it back. Sometimes that just feels too heavy to handle. I wish i never knew what it felt like.

I’m not sure that I actually miss him, more that I miss the excitement and the connection with someone. It’s definitely much more about the emotional than the physical. My marriage sucks, counseling hasn’t worked, and it’s been in a bad place for a very, very long time. I don’t feel that I can leave because of the negative impact it would have to my small children.

I didn’t mean to use this to vent. Really I just want to know when I will forget this ever happened and move on with my life. It’s torture. [/quote]

It does get easier, OP, but it's been five years for me, and I still think about her every day. It's like mourning, really, but you never quite fully come to terms with the loss, because that person is still out there, somewhere. The hardest thing was finding what's missing in my life, feeling it so intensely, and then having it suddenly be gone. I wish I had advice for you, but really all you can do is ride out the pain. It [i]will[/i] fade. But the memory won't.

I agree with 12:34 - you'll find very little sympathy here, and Reddit is a better bet. Not having anyone to talk to about it (other than someone who charges $225/hr) makes it all the more difficult to move on. Good luck.[/quote]

+1 it can be a painful thing to admit.

If anything I now have more comoasssion for my DH’s imperfections. I wouldn’t be so fast to rip his head off if he admitted to me that he loved or cared for someone else. [/quote]

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