Reply to if one spouse makes substantially more than the other and you both work

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Reply to "if one spouse makes substantially more than the other and you both work"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, how old is/are your child/ren? That was the real key for me. DH and I were double biglaw for several years after our first two were born (we have 3 now). I was not partner track but was well regarded, and probably could have stayed more years. I didn't want to. I left to go to a smaller firm and may make partner in another year or two, still travel some, but the hours expectations and stress levels are more moderate than biglaw. I'm now the default home-for-the-nanny parent but DH respects my career and does what he needs to do when I travel for work or am crunched.

As to the default parent thing, I was the default parent the entire time, but after several years as my kids got older, I found that I *wanted* to be. I like planning their birthday parties and volunteering in the classroom periodically, and I want to hear what the pediatrician says at their checkups. I'm an orderly person and don't resent swapping out too-small clothes. I'm not a great cook but can whip up a reasonable array of weeknight meals. I like my kids and they are way more fun as they get older. I also think it's more important to be around as they get older, so that's what I'm doing. This balance makes me happy and makes me feel like I'm maintaining a good career and being a good parent. Sort of like the PP said,  you can be right or you can be happy. Obviously it would be nice if DH worked less on weekends and was home earlier all the time, but he kind of has to make his own choices in the context of a range of what works for our family. This works for our family right now.

We also have a great nanny who we pay well who takes a ton of things off my plate (kids' laundry, sick days, remembers things like trash day, etc.).[/quote]

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