Reply to if one spouse makes substantially more than the other and you both work

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Reply to "if one spouse makes substantially more than the other and you both work"

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[quote=Anonymous]Like a few of the posters above, I'm the higher earner wife who is also the default parent.  I mommy-tracked myself somewhat, and as a result make 1.5-2x what my husband makes (rather than 2.5x what he makes).  My job is more flexible, but also more stressful and less stable (big law vs. fed w/ long hours, he would have to actively work to get fired, I'd just have to drop a big ball).

A two "big" career family + kids only works if both spouses actively acknowledge that both of them have careers that are important, contrast the poster at 12/27/2018 21:06 (voluntarily and happily mommy tracked, but will pull rank when needed) with the poster at 12/28/2018 00:44 (benefits of a SAHM with a salary, in the process of divorcing).   My husband is somewhere in the middle, and it's frustrating.   He would like me to take on a less stressful job, but that's not possible.  He thinks we'd be fine on his salary (top of the GS scale), and we would be okay, but it would mean cutting back travel and fun spending, and him probably not retiring anytime soon.

OP -- what do you mean by your expected to be default?  For example, do you always stay at home with the sick kids, or do you split it with you taking the lion's share?   We tend to split the time/days based on our work schedules.

Is it possible for your H to take a less stressful job that makes about as much as you do?  I don't have that option in this area.

Have you tried to push more responsibility on him, e.g., telling him that you're picking up the kid from school because of the short notice, but he has to stay home with the sick kid the next day.

Or, since you're making $220K, and your H is making more, you're presumably bringing in over $600K -- throw money at the problem.    Hire a regular nanny/housekeeper to handle sick days and such, Especially since it doesn't sound like you'll be able to convince him to change -- you may be right, but that doesn't mean anything if he's not convinced.   Of course, you could also divorce and force him to handle child-care 50% of the time (assuming he goes along with split custody and doesn't leave you in the lurch).

Lately I've taken a new approach on the "you can be right, or you can be happy" idea -- I am giving up on convincing my husband that I am right (I do the bulk of the parenting/household stuff, which is ridiculous because I make more and have a less-stable job), and working on just making myself happy (only doing things that I deem are necessary/important to keep the household running). [/quote]

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