Reply to if one spouse makes substantially more than the other and you both work

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "if one spouse makes substantially more than the other and you both work"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The answers to this entirely depend on your salary levels - in particular, yours. Do you make 70k? Or 250k? Savings also come into play.[/quote]

I make $220k and we have healthy savings.  He grew up with a lot of financial insecurity (immigrant from a war torn country where his family lost everything) so has outsized views of what is "necessary" to feel secure.

I really am interested in how other couples have this dynamic play out - we need to work through our misalignment likely with the help of a therapist, I'm mainly just curious right now how others do or don't find a sustainable dynamic.

[/quote]

In that case, percentages of income shouldn't matter. You would be quite well off even if he made the same as you and could live a comfortable life and provide for your kids. You could even support the family on your income alone - so even if he lost his job, your family would be ok after some adjustments! So his arguments are on shaky grounds, objectively.
Can you argue that the value that you see in him as a spouse and as a father is more than an additional half a million a year (or whatever the difference in salary would be)? 
If you are worried about your career and if he is not willing to adjust - hire more help, possibly a full time nanny (from his income). If he is not willing to do that...I am not sure what I would do. I would likely divorce.

[/quote]

I'm not sure I agree.  I make about what OP makes.  My spouse makes more, although maybe not as much as OP's husband.  I don't think it is unreasonable that I am the default parent, not so much because she makes a lot more than me, but because her job is much less flexible.  It only makes sense for me to place this role.  That we could live on my salary (we really couldn't, even living pretty frugally on our HHI) doesn't really matter in my mind
[/quote]

You couldn’t live on $220K?[/quote]

We would have to move and pull the kids out of daycare, drastically cut if not eliminate savings, among other changes.  Could we if something serious happened and we had to make major changes?  Sure.  It would literally be possible.  But it would require changes we wouldn't want to make absent an emergency, and I don't think that should be the standard here.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics