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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, is there any way to salvage the marriage? I don't think your desire for a single family house with a yard is unreasonable, I was critical at first, until my husband pointed out that you want the same things we have. What I do think is unreasonable is expecting him to move close to *your* family. Being the trailing spouse is hard enough when you are married, it would be even worse if you are not. Is there any way you could move to his hometown? If not, realize that those are the reasons he won't move to yours. If the marriage is breaking up about where to live, I'd put everything on the table. Would moving to an apartment with an indoor pool be acceptable? Would being happier knowing the situation is not forever and with some movement on getting a more suitable living environment make you realize you still like him? Realize that he doesn't care what you did during the marriage to support him, that only counts if the two of you are still married, and at some point, even that won't count if you are nasty to him. Nobody can live with that for very long. Second, realize that your family won't support you as much as you think. They may love you just fine, but once you live near them, you are just one of them. The closer you live to them, the less special the treatment you receive. Your family is busy with their own interests, plans and activities that fulfill them. They won't cancel their plans because Billy barfed at school and needs to be picked up or because you have a headache or "need a break". They certainly won't help an ex, and if you think they would, think of how you'd feel when they say "Remember I helped your ex out last weekend, I don't care that the new boyfriend wants to take you away for a romantic weekend, go enjoy yourself but we're busy". Everything comes at a price op, and I don't think you've figured that out yet. [/quote]

Nope, he just doesn't want to- flat out not interested. Just fell out of love with me- no further explanation or effort. I was foolishly waiting for something to change or for him to talk to me when I asked him to or go to therapy together, but I've gotten nothing. He suggested the end of our relationship, just saying he doesn't want it.

So no the breakup is not over where to live by any means. Its been an ongoing discussion but not a reason.

Lastly, my parents are older- I don't expect them to shuttle kids around or babysit so I can have a weekend away. My parents are kind people and despite the way things are ending, they haven't held anything against my husband. They sent him a lovely birthday gift after all of this went down and they are just not the type of folks to be dramatic so I wouldn't expect there would be animosity- likely this is more about my husband wanting to show up around them after all of this. I really just meant overall being close to them and my extended family, which is quite large, could be nice, lets say as a bonus.

As I've expressed previously, my greatest concern is just a little financial breathing room. It seems there are lots of people on this forum in general whose parents paid for college, grad school, maybe house down payment etc. Or folks who did really well for themselves and make a ton of money. Not always, but generally there are a lot of wealthy people on here. I make a modest income and I've spent my life paying down the debt of my schooling. I'm not complaining, but at this point the thought of divorce meaning more financial strain when I expected to finally get ahead of loans and such is stressful.[/quote]

So after you worked your ass off supporting him, he "fell out of love?"  I agree that you should play the long game and get as much leverage over him as you can while building connections in the new city.  And yes, definitely keep a record of all the times he is late for visitation or cancels it altogether. I predict that log will grow large quickly.[/quote]

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