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[quote=Anonymous]Op, I thought I had ppd with my first. I’d cry and cry and had nightmares about the delivery etc. but I thought it was normal / post partum blues, then thought it was PPD etc. only years later when I saw a psychologist during my second pregnancy did she say “that sounds like ptsd to me.” I didn’t read carefully, but I think it’s important to know that you’re allowed to feel how you feel “even if” everything ended up okay. For me, given the series of mistakes, I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t just accept that all was well that ends well, but so be it  - my brain was wired where it imagined how close we came to other outcomes. I also had various procedures (including an unmedicated episiotomy and a very painful / unmedicated retrieval of the placenta) that weren’t explained to me and for which I wasn’t asked to give consent. I’m fortunate to not be a survivor of abuse, so this was the most violated my body has ever felt.  I wish I’d talked to a professional. It sounds like - with other kids at home - you know what birth is supposed to feel like. For me, 6 years later the memory still makes me a little upset, but time and the birth of my second child (different hospital and about as textbook / “Dream” as I could ask for) were cathartic. I didn’t realize how anxious I was about the 2nd birth until all my anxieties just vanished once the placenta was delivered.

If I had it to do over, I would have found a professional (really hard to do in the thick of it, which is why I found one as soon as I conceived my 2nd) and considered medication. My first was also a premie who wouldn’t eat so the nursing was extra demanding. I say this gently, but my mental health would have tremendously improved if I’d allowed some formula / more feeding help so I could get a little sleep. [/quote]

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