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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Don't mask your fear of rejection with the facade of being selective. "No" is not as scary as you think.

[b]Date a lot. Don't underestimate the value of relationship experience. It's less about finding "the one" and more about finding yourself: your likes, your dislikes, and most importantly your own flaws and issues. [/b]

Your job is not to be someone's therapist. You may find that "fixing" someone only results in them becoming a version of themselves that is no longer compatible with you. The same goes for letting someone become your therapist.

[b]Never lie about your feelings especially to yourself. Staying in a relationship to preserve their feelings or your illusion will only magnify the pain.[/b]

[/quote]

If I had done these two bolded things my life would be so different. And, I’m pretty sure it would be better. I didn’t really date in HS or college so the first two relationships I was in after college, I was head over heels with guys that were completely ill-suited for me. The first one luckily realized it and broke things off, which crushed me but I’m so glad he did. The second one is now my long-term partner with whom I have two children. I ignored so many red flags, lowered so many of what should have been my boundaries, because I didn’t think I could do better. I thought it was just part of “all relationships are hard.” If I had dated more I would have recognized deal-breakers. My life is so much more painful and difficult for it now. I love my kids but I have so many regrets. Almost all of my regrets in life are related to this.

My one other regret is not taking the chance to spend a year teaching abroad in Thailand. I took the career-oriented, safer route instead. When you’re young you can travel broke; I did. And I should have done it more. It’s harder to stay in hostels with communal sleeping arrangements once you get into and past your 30s :lol:[/quote]

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