Travel more with DH before having kids.

Don’t bother dating anyone you don’t have a spark with.

Actually, I think my younger self had it right when it comes to dating/relationships.

Friendships are a different story. There's a lot I'd like to tell my younger self about trusting other people.

I think I had a pretty good understanding of men and dating. I didn't follow a lot of traditional advice. I had a lot of interesting dating/relationship experiences, and honestly, I don't think I'd change a thing about them. I have no regrets in that regard.

But friendships are different, and I think I have never been good understanding women (I am a woman). I also think that society kind of drills it into women to be wary of men when dating, but they don't drill it into women enough to be wary of other women in life. Female friends have hurt me far more than any man ever did or any breakup. I think it's because I never really had it on my radar to be careful not to trust other women.

Just my 2 cents.

I don't think I have changed enough over the years to teach my younger self anything different. I had several long relationships with men who turned out to be idiots. Along the way I also had a lot of enjoyable sex with other men. In the end I met and married happily and we have a lot of enjoyable sex.

Don't have kids or marry a man who smokes weed, and is dumb enough to keep getting caught with it in the car and going to jail for it.

Don't tolerate any man with a temper or jealousy. It's just a matter of time before it turns into physical abuse against you.

Don't date any man with absolutely ANY kind of "mother" issues. Dead mom. Absentee mom. Hateful mom. Young dementia patient mom. Physically abused mom. I've dated them all and was in my 30s before I realized some weird pattern there. I'm in therapy and working on it...

Don't date a man with more than one baby momma.

Give yourself time to get to know someone. Time reveals everything. Be patient and simply observe for those first 3-9 months. If a relationship is meant to be, it will stand the test of time.

Read books on Narcissism and learn to recognize the signs. Same goes for Autism. Avoid both types of men at all costs.

That's all I've got for now!

Honest, I'd tell myself to relax and not to waste any time on anyone who I didn't clearly click with. It's not worth wasting time waiting for anyone to call you. Just have fun with your friends and one day you'll meet that guy who clearly wants to be with you as much as you do with him.

Anonymous wrote:Don't let a good one get away just because you are young. If he's the one, he's the one, and you won't regret saying yes.

No.

Date a lot. Don't underestimate the value of relationship experience. It's less about finding "the one" and more about finding yourself: your likes, your dislikes, and most importantly your own flaws and issues.

Yes

Don’t be afraid to dump guys and move on. Inertia in a bad relationship is the worst: dont do it!

Look out for ADHD inattentive in SO and his family. Even if, especially if, they are mainly book smart.

Don't let your partner get addicted to narcotics.

Don't stay in a relationship because you are afraid to be alone.

Anonymous wrote:Never get married.

Haha, true.

Or at the very least, realize that marriage and relationships are not the be-all, end-all of human existence. That's it's a ton of work, often a trudge through the mud.

You don't need anyone. But if you're going to take the plunge, do NOT settle, and please, PLEASE: Find yourself first.

Don't let a good one get away just because you are young. If he's the one, he's the one, and you won't regret saying yes.

Anonymous wrote:Don't mask your fear of rejection with the facade of being selective. "No" is not as scary as you think.

Date a lot. Don't underestimate the value of relationship experience. It's less about finding "the one" and more about finding yourself: your likes, your dislikes, and most importantly your own flaws and issues.

Your job is not to be someone's therapist. You may find that "fixing" someone only results in them becoming a version of themselves that is no longer compatible with you. The same goes for letting someone become your therapist.

Never lie about your feelings especially to yourself. Staying in a relationship to preserve their feelings or your illusion will only magnify the pain.

If I had done these two bolded things my life would be so different. And, I’m pretty sure it would be better. I didn’t really date in HS or college so the first two relationships I was in after college, I was head over heels with guys that were completely ill-suited for me. The first one luckily realized it and broke things off, which crushed me but I’m so glad he did. The second one is now my long-term partner with whom I have two children. I ignored so many red flags, lowered so many of what should have been my boundaries, because I didn’t think I could do better. I thought it was just part of “all relationships are hard.” If I had dated more I would have recognized deal-breakers. My life is so much more painful and difficult for it now. I love my kids but I have so many regrets. Almost all of my regrets in life are related to this.

My one other regret is not taking the chance to spend a year teaching abroad in Thailand. I took the career-oriented, safer route instead. When you’re young you can travel broke; I did. And I should have done it more. It’s harder to stay in hostels with communal sleeping arrangements once you get into and past your 30s

When you are 40 there will be no stigma to being a single mother.

You don't need to marry to have a family.

Donr’t date anyone with a recently deceased parent. They haven’t finished being raised by the parent and they are struggling w grief. It’s a headache and totally not your problem.