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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm really sorry to hear about what a hard time you are having. I am in a similar situation and wondering the same thing. DH had a terrible childhood and can be charming and funny and loving one day, then withdrawn and hostile the next, and if I push him when he is withdrawn ("You seem unhappy... is something the matter?") he flips into abusive rage, shouting and insulting.

He is (finally) seeing a therapist, taking medication, and finally acknowledging some of the emotional damage he has done. I have tried to be very supportive and I am genuinely happy and proud of him for starting to work through his issues. But though is is a bit better than he used to be (rages are a little less frequent and don't last quite as long), he is also increasingly having tensions with the kids, who are now in their teens and are no longer willing to just apologize and do what he says. They are increasingly calling out his bad behavior, and, no surprise, he is responding by freezing them out or yelling at them. I am just at the point where I am no longer sure we can stay in the same house as him. I don't feel physically in danger, but I feel like we are all, especially the kids, in emotional danger if that makes sense.

I am really struggling to figure out what to do. I recognize that he is truly (if unevenly) trying to change and that changing may take a long time, and part of me feels like I need to be there for him and "reward" his genuine efforts to work on things by being there for him. But part of me feels like: enough! I am sick of tiptoeing around his moods and watching the kids tiptoe around his moods, and sick of being yelled at if we forget to tiptoe.

I am wondering if a separation might be in order - saying, "You have a lot of work to do, I love you but I think we need some space from one another for a while, let's reevaluate in three months or six months." Maybe I am fooling myself and that would just be a step towards divorce.[/quote]

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