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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I moved out on my DH and only after that, did he agree to therapy. The therapist made it clear without saying so that once one person has already moved out, it's much harder to come back together. And in the end, we did not. Just one anecdote for you. [/quote]

Agree. It is not an ultimatum. It is just a step to divorce. [b]The guy will love it since all his household and child raising responsibilities went away[/b]— mom will take care if that and he can show up for fun dinners and weekend activities—and he can refocus on working late/his career plus dating and acting like a victim of a crazy ex wife. The woman will just keep on running a busy household, raising and parenting her kids and her full time job as well. Oh and will be a secretary for her ex husband’s “Co parenting”  schedule.[/quote]

[b]
This is spot on for myself and everyone of my girlfriends.[/b] We take on the full mental load of scheduling, school activities, doctor’s appointments, clothing the children, carpool arrangements, school projects, etc....our Exes or STBXs have DCs every other weekend (often canceling)...can barely take them to things like a game or Birthday party....have to text us to see when it is  despite it being clearly marked on the calendar. They do not do laundry, feed the kids Pizza or other takeout, do not enforce bedtime and it’s a free for all with the screens. The DCs come home and we get to deal with them being tired and having homework that is not been done. There is only one exception to this I personally know of and that is where the Mother left and moved to Europe. The Dad has an Au Pair and a a Nanny as well as a house cleaner.[/quote]

Yep and Yep. It's bachelor days plus Disney Dad weekends and dinners out. [/quote]

So, in other words, you want your exDH to only have his kids a couple of times a month but you want an equal split in childcare responsibilities? How about the kids live with him full time and you get them every other weekend? Seems like things would sort themselves out pretty naturally, don't you think?[/quote]

In a lot of marriages and then divorces, the husband never was capable of managing aspects of the kids or schedule beyond executing obvious tasks. So to suddenly put it on him (planning, managing, remembering) would be disastrous for the kids. He doesn’t make his own doctor, dentist, clean clothes, tidy up, sports sign up, remember to get to appts on time, for himself. How is he suddenly going to get it together for dependents after he already consistently failed to do so for years? He’d have to hurry up and grt a new girlfriend who wants to take care of him and everyone, or maybe move his 70 yo mom in w him. [/quote]

Nice try.  Without someone else to do it for him, he'll step up.  I know it's considered a truism by most wives that their husbands are helpless but why would they do all the things you accuse them of not being able to do if DWs are doing it for them? Just as, in turn, DWs let DHs handle things like fixing toilets, mowing lawns, changing lightbulbs, lifting heavy things, etc., etc. and pretend to be helpless and incapable of doing those things.

You can rest assured that, without you in the picture they will somehow muddle through.  If that same DH now has his kids living with him full time, he will no doubt, (gasp!), figure it out and get it done.  To this day I regret letting my ex DW keep our young child at home with her when we split.  At the time I thought I was doing the right thing because "a child needs its mother."  But in retrospect, it was a huge mistake and our child would have been much better off with me.[/quote]

Nope, I do all that too. fix appliances, yardwork, mowing, etc. He literally cannot remember what needs to be done if told. And he literally cannot see what needs to be done in the house or yard or when something is broken or needs to be fixed or improved. [/quote]

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