Reply to Long-term relationship with a guy with 15 years of alimony payments

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For those women, or men, that have seriously dated someone with long-term alimony payments, how did you discuss the details of the payments when considering a future joint household? From my understanding, it was a "loss of passion" or sexless relationship that lead to the divorce. It was finalized when the last kid was in their junior year of high school. I have not asked the exact amount but there over 10 years to go on the payments. He is mildly sensitive about the topic, and I do not ask many questions. [b]I am very supportive when he vocalizes frustration.[/b]

BTW: My personal earnings are more in align with his. [b]With the alimony payments, he makes less than I do.[/b] [/quote]

I wish you happiness with your bf, OP, but I find this gross. He does not "make less than you do"--he pays his former wife money that was part of their divorce agreement. It's a standing/budgeted expense like a car payment. You wouldn't say "with his car payment, he makes less than I do."

FWIW, I am a woman who is still married to my one and only husband. But you sound like you have either never been married or do not have children or both.[/quote]

:roll: The rest of us were able to clearly understand what OP was saying. Since some of the responses were likely to be "well he probably still brings more to the marriage than you do, so what are you complaining about" she was specifying upfront that the net effect of this situation is that she would be bringing more into the marriage, financially speaking. (Note that some idiots wrote a response along those lines even with the specification, so clearly it was important.) And [b]for most marriages[/b], a "standing/budgeted expense like a car payment" would be something agreed to by both people in the marriage, at least when they have combined finances. It's not "gross" for someone to object to their partner having an expense incurred prior to their relationship coming out of combined finances.[/quote]

They aren't married.
And if they did decide to get married, OP's (your?) objection doesn't help the situation, it only exacerbates it and will create (more) tension between the ex-wife and him and/or HIS kids and him.[/quote]

She is objecting only in the sense that she's considering whether it's a good idea to get her own financial situation mixed up in that mess. Which she absolutely has the right to do, regardless of what his parasitic ex-wife or his adult children think about it.[/quote]

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