Reply to DH has been having an emotional affair, blames me for it and his drinking

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I have dealt with this situation almost exactly. DH was a high-functioning alcoholic, and his friendship with a female coworker was clearly an EA. (BTW, if your DH’s friendship has progressed to kissing it is no longer “just” an EA.)

I started therapy. After a few months, DH decided to join me. My therapist referred him to an addiction specialist. We were both on different tracks, but clearly our therapists had the same goal. He had to stop drinking, and I had to be prepared for whatever came next. He agreed to quit for 6 months while we worked in therapy. He did that successfully, in part because he knew it was for a limited time.

I always knew that protecting the kids was my first priority, but seeing how much better their lives were when he stopped drinking was revelatory. I knew, obviously, that the whole family was suffering, but I thought I had been shielding them. I hadn’t. When DH started drinking again, I gave him one week to decide to quit. If he refused to quit, he would have to move out. I told him that I loved him but had to do what was right for the kids.

Thank God he quit. It’s been more than 10 years, and we are all doing well. A friend in a similar situation wasn’t so lucky on that front. Her DH wouldn’t quit, and she is now divorced. But she, like me, is also happier. Her kids and doing great, and she has remarried a widower who adores them. It was tough, but how much worse it would be to stay with a drunk.

Therapy for you is an essential step. You will need support for whatever happens next. Take care of yourself.[/quote]

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