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[quote=Anonymous][quote]This didn't work for me. I discovered too late that I didn't like being married and I regretted having children.[/quote]

I find this so sad. My mother pretty much felt this way and I grew up feeling horribly guilty for ruining her life. She made it clear that  she felt that having kids ruined her chances at a career, and then the depression and stress ruined her marriage. I once asked her when things seemed to go wrong in the marriage, and she responded "pretty much after you were born. I could handle your brother, but having two put me over the edge and your father was no help."

To this day, she denies that she ever implied that she didn't want kids or was ambivalent, but I used to hear the screaming fights she had with my dad about feeling trapped, about how her life was ruined, about how he was so selfish leaving her with the kids all day and that she couldn't get anything done, about how we ruined her life. And I remember cowering at home, when she was in a rage, and being scared about doing somethign to set her off. I tried very hard to be perfect to please her hoping that good grades and high achievement would make her proud and thus happier to have a daughter, but nothing seemed to help.

I waited until 38 to get married and 39 to have a child because i was so terrified that having a family meant unhappiness. I realize that in my case, it is the opposite. The weird thing is that starting in my 20s, my mom kept pushing me to get married and have kids, telling me that I'd really regret it if I didn't. I think she was just ambivalent over her own conflicted feeligns.

anyway, I'm not sure what the answer is for OP but for your kids and marriage sake, counseling and some tough love is necessary. And if nothing changes, then personally I'd probably consider leaving, because I wouldnt want to raise my kids with someone who made them feel like a burden. [/quote]

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