Reply to adopting a child who is the product of rape

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[quote=Anonymous]I think this only needs to come up from the birth mother if your child is asking about their birth father.  Otherwise, leave it at you don't know anything about the birth father, he was already out of the picture by the time they were born.

It's true that kids can feel guilty about a lot, and adopted kids already have to deal with the "not being wanted" issue (which I put in quotes because I'm not saying it's true, just something that can be hard to dislodge).  My parents got married as teenagers because my mom was pregnant with me and they were miserable terrible parents my whole childhood; I felt very clearly that I wasn't wanted and it took me a long time to get over feeling like I was the reason everyone's lives were all f-ed up.

I am sure you are going to do the best you can to make certain that your child knows they're loved and wanted, and I would leave that part of the story out.  It's just too easy to understand viscerally why someone wouldn't want a baby that came from rape, and easier to accept that the baby could have been loved by the birth mother and still given up for valid reasons.  (Which is what I imagine you would want your child to internalize.)[/quote]

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