Reply to Best Guy Friend, His New GF, and Vacation

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi, this is OP. Thanks for everyone's responses. I am a woman, which I understand makes the dynamics of all of this difficult. And I completely understand new GF's feeling a little weird about this...to an extent. I guess part of me feels that this trip was planned before she was even a thing, and while that sucks and makes this awkward, if you trust my friend (which she 100% should), sometimes you just have to suck up being uncomfortable for a week. Should they stay together, we obviously won't be planning a trip like this again. It was just crappy timing how it all worked out. And I really don't want her to be uncomfortable. I'm no threat to her at all. But, ugh.

We have 2bd AirBNBs for the trip, so no sharing rooms or anything like that. No way. I've thought about asking him to buy me out of the trip if she is going, but honestly, I really, really wanted to go on this trip. It was my idea and a bucket list place for me. I'll be upset to not go. But I also don't want to go and have a terrible time. I'm considering telling him that its not OK for her to come, but I know that she will hate me forever and will send our friendship on a faster decline that I know it already is given this new woman in his life. 
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I don't think you can tell him not to bring her, but you can say that you will be planning as many activities as possible solo so that you spend as little time with them as possible.  She might be a great person, but being a third wheel sucks.  [/quote]

I agree, the way you described it seems like he could just buy her a plane tix and they stay together.  I would still go, but plan my own activities and then meet up with them for a few of them.  [/quote]

+1 I don't know if you've ever tried it OP but travelling alone can be super fun actually. Some of the best traveling experiences of my life were on my own. You can really get to know a place in a different way by kind of living in it. I would say,

"Hey Danny I've been thinking about this a lot. This is a tough situation. I totally understand why Sarah might feel a little weird about this. I really want to be the good wingman here but going on a trip I've been dreaming about as a third wheel seems pretty unappealing. I've been trying to think of some good solutions but I'm not quite sure anything is going to make all of us perfectly happy. I am not going to say she can't come because that would be kind of unfair, but if she does come I think I will try to branch off solo for the trip and maybe we can just plan a group dinner. I have really been looking forward to this and don't want to feel resentful when it turns out to be a really different trip. And that isn't any knock on Sarah but you know, a two friend trip is just not the same as a couple + friend trip. I hope I can get to know Sarah more so she feels more comfortable with me in the future!"

I think if you kind of put it all out there honestly like that then he will understand that bringing her would be a D move. He is really the one who has to decide not to do this. He might still bring her but you won't be the bad guy and you'll have the freedom to strike out on your own. [/quote]

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