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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I divorced 3.5 years ago.  My son was around 5 at the time.  My ex leaves nearby and we share custody 50/50.  We are amicable.

My son is generally doing well but sometimes struggles with the divorce.  It ebbs and flows.  There is a good book called "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce" that discusses the life-cycle effects of divorce.  At first, because my son was doing well at the time, I thought it was a bit of BS.  But the older he gets, the more accurate I think it is.  It is something he will have to live with, and factor into his life--and his conception of relationships as he gets older.

I think that there are some positives and some negatives for him.  The positive is that my ex and I did fight a lot.  He has said he is happy we don't do that anymore and that we seem to be getting along better.  Also, my girlfriend and him get along well, and it seems like our relationship is a better model for him than my prior one with my ex.  Time will tell if this persists, but I'm grateful for that at the moment.  The negative is that he is constantly shuttling back and forth, and it's hard on him not to be around both of us full-time.  (He wasn't when we were married, but he comments on it more now.  Maybe because he's older and can verbalize more.)  Even in the best scenario, it's tough for him.  But, as I said, there are countervailing benefits too.

I am frustrated by the many posters that blame you for your wife's depression.  If she is refusing treatment for it, that's on her, not you.  We each are responsbile for our own well-being.

BUT, and I offer this with a lot of sympathy, because I was once there too: You seem very raw and defensive.  Very few posters respond to every message.  Perhaps you have a lazy Saturday.  But it seems to me that you may need to develop some thicker skin.  It is not your fault your wife is depressed.  But perhaps you are taking it personally and responding too much, whatever.  When you start getting into a fight, instead of engaging further, you may want to try disengaging a bit, and seeing how that goes.  Perhaps I'm projecting, as that was my experience with my ex: I dug in further when I really should have said I don't care and left the room.  Best of luck.

[/quote]

Thank you for your post and feedback.  Based on where I have came from and what I have accomplished... all while making choices to still be there for my kids and really help raise them... it just stings when people say that I am not doing enough.   My son is old enough to appreciate what I do .. he may not appreciate the family focused choices that I have made until he is a dad and he has to make them.  My DW demonstrates no appreciation for what I have done or do.. We play be well.  Both kids can go to any school that they want and can get into...  She only focuses on the negative. She worries about unusual things but that ties into her depression.

And yes.. It is a lazy Saturday.. But this issue/topic is very heavy on my brain at the moment.  I will take your advice on not being thin skinned.  It is hard to walk away when you are driving somewhere and DW starts criticizing for not taking the path that she would have taken..  I have a feeling that you might have also lived that situation. [/quote]

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