Reply to Divorce side affects on DD

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Divorce side affects on DD"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I divorced 3.5 years ago.  My son was around 5 at the time.  My ex leaves nearby and we share custody 50/50.  We are amicable.

My son is generally doing well but sometimes struggles with the divorce.  It ebbs and flows.  There is a good book called "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce" that discusses the life-cycle effects of divorce.  At first, because my son was doing well at the time, I thought it was a bit of BS.  But the older he gets, the more accurate I think it is.  It is something he will have to live with, and factor into his life--and his conception of relationships as he gets older.

I think that there are some positives and some negatives for him.  The positive is that my ex and I did fight a lot.  He has said he is happy we don't do that anymore and that we seem to be getting along better.  Also, my girlfriend and him get along well, and it seems like our relationship is a better model for him than my prior one with my ex.  Time will tell if this persists, but I'm grateful for that at the moment.  The negative is that he is constantly shuttling back and forth, and it's hard on him not to be around both of us full-time.  (He wasn't when we were married, but he comments on it more now.  Maybe because he's older and can verbalize more.)  Even in the best scenario, it's tough for him.  But, as I said, there are countervailing benefits too.

I am frustrated by the many posters that blame you for your wife's depression.  If she is refusing treatment for it, that's on her, not you.  We each are responsbile for our own well-being.

BUT, and I offer this with a lot of sympathy, because I was once there too: You seem very raw and defensive.  Very few posters respond to every message.  Perhaps you have a lazy Saturday.[b]  But it seems to me that you may need to develop some thicker skin.  It is not your fault your wife is depressed.  But perhaps you are taking it personally and responding too much, whatever.  When you start getting into a fight, instead of engaging further, you may want to try disengaging a bit, and seeing how that goes.  Perhaps I'm projecting, as that was my experience with my ex: I dug in further when I really should have said I don't care and left the room.[/b]  Best of luck. 
[/quote]
While I think that is very good advice, it is easiest to do that when you are through to the other side. Right now OP is in the thick of it. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics