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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So what exactly does she do/say? Give a couple of scenarios. It’s easier to offer some possible retorts if we know what her bullying behavior looks like. What does “snarkiness” sound like?[/quote]

Example:  "I'm here to see her (not name but "her") not you!" unsolicited, when baby was first born. Basically, any rude example is not beyond MIL, as she has a problem with a few things about me. I don't say much to her, for obvious reasons. I don't want to get caught up in specific examples, however - suffice to say she likes to insert the zingers, unsolicited,  when DH is is not present, no one is present, whenever possible.  OP here.[/quote]

A couple of different ways you could handle this.  But the best thing is to get to a place where you do not care about her or what she says AT ALL.  It would be good if you could consider her mentally ill and an object of pity.  But, since that's asking a lot, then just respond to her bluntly and directly.  "I'm here to see her not you!" can get a response like "Well, unfortunately for you, she lives with me.  And it's important to us -- and non-negotiable -- that she sees her grandmother treating her mother with respect."  If her comment was unprovoked, then say "Larla, nobody asked you who you are here to see."  Keep calm and polite, like you would talk to a stranger or a tantrumy child.  "Larla, you seem cranky.  Maybe you need a snack/nap."  Don't let her get to you, and don't let her see that she's getting to you.  If she gets to you, in her mind she has won.  If you don't care and don't let her get to you, then you have won.[/quote]

I strongly agree with this approach.  I am not confrontational and in my own situation asking someone to leave would jut not work for me.  But these things I could do.  It's helped me to understand MIL as someone who is an object of pity.  And then you can just be no nonsense and unaffected.  A wow with blinks might work, too.  Oh just, Oh, Barbara when she says something outrageous.  If everyone is just used to shrugging it all off, then I think your best strategy is to learn to shrug it off.  She won't change.  Maybe in your particular example, a wry, "well, at least I know where I stand." That way you're sort of calling her out without really calling her out.  Watch her carefully with your child though.  In my case, turns out child and grandma have a close relationship.  And so I can just exit and diminish my time with MIL.  But as my children have reached puberty, I'm growing concerned they will assert themselves in a way that will annoy MIL and the wrath will be turned onto them.  So after a few years of not worrying ot much about it, I'm back to high alert.  [/quote]

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