Reply to How to handle--better boundaries or do I just need to let go?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] I was trying to keep this about the current dilemma but GF is generally quite guarded about her own life and also can be kind of tough in conversation. Honestly it's only recently dawned on me that apart from her general anxiety and tendency toward awkward comments (noted by not just us but all of DH's extended family) she actually might just really not like me, in particular. And/or might feel that all of the 5 (pretty normal in every way I can think of) grandkids are somehow "problem" children. [/quote]

Well, it sounds like neither of you particularly like one another, but that doesn't really matter.  You're adults, you have to deal with each other if you're going to go there to visit FIL.  It sounds like her way of dealing with the fact that she doesn't like kids is to limit the amount of time that they spend in the house when you visit.  That's not an entirely unreasonable solution.  [/quote]

OP again.  I agree with this--whether or not we genuinely like one another doesn't matter.  DH is very much on that page too.  This is the person FIL is with and we have to get along.  It definitely feels like a change--I would say GF and I got along very well up until maybe a couple of years ago?  But part of what I'm looking for is a way to make it more likely that we do get along.

The suggestions I'm getting seem very in line with what DH and I have discussed--FIL coming here more, us going there less and staying in a hotel/BnB when we do.  I also fully agree that limiting the time the grandkids are in the house is a fair compromise, and the fact that FIL is not in agreement with this has made it very hard to implement but I think it is for the best.[/quote]

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