Reply to Closed Adoption and found the birth mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If people don't want to be contacted by long lost relatives, why on earth do they put their DNA profiles up on the internet? People who get DNA tests have the option to make it public or not. Why make it public and then get mad about it?[/quote]

Well, a lot of the times it's the "secret" relatives coming out of the woodwork that blows things up and causes the drama.

My adopted cousin went through something similar.  She found relatives using one of the ancestry DNA sites and contacted them.  Her adoption was closed as well.  Turns out that it was closed because her bio mom had her in college and kept it a big secret from her family.  My cousin contacting family members blew up bio mom's secret.  She then had to tell HER still alive parents that she'd had a baby in college that she placed up for adoption as well as tell her siblings and her current husband/kids.

IMO, if your adoption was closed, it was closed for a reason and you shouldn't go looking for answers/bio parents.  I only say that after seeing all the drama my cousin's exploration caused and all of the heartbreak she went through.  Lots of "if I didn't want you in my life then, what makes you think I'd want you now?" type emails exchanged back and forth.  She still stalks her bio mom's kid's Instagram pages and it has an overall negative effect on her, IMO.  She watches them have this life with their mom that she imagined she'd get in her head.  It's not like she had a bad life with my aunt & uncle either, it's just she built up a fantasy that didn't play out and instead of just cutting all ties, she stalks the kids and makes it worse for herself.  Before watching her go through this, I was very much in favor of adoptees contacting and finding their bio parents.    [/quote]
But secret relatives are a very foreseeable consequence of making your dna publicly available. My cousin discovered her dad was someone else. Pretty sure my grandfathers father  isn’t who he thought it was either. These are all very obvious consequences. [/quote]

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