Reply to Do you do things you don’t want to?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My wife is constantly planning projects. She likes changing things up and honestly enjoys being busy with home improvement projects.

I don't mind hard work when it's earning money or doing something that's necessary for the household (e.g. yes to painting because the paint is chipped; no to painting because she feels like a different color). But these household projects are not how I want to spend my free time. I enjoy unstructured time where I can do whatever happens to sound entertaining at the time or sometimes, god forbid, do nothing at all.

So, if I let myself get drawn into all of my wife's projects, it would be necessarily subordinating my preferences for how to spend free time with hers. By the same token, my wife hates unstructured free time -- I don't expect her to suspend making plans for herself because that's how I like to spend my time.

Ultimately, I help with somethings and not with others. It can be quite a balancing act trying to accommodate her, accommodate myself, and try not to sound like a dick when I decide to go for a walk while she's painting the ceiling. [/quote]

I want to hear OP's husband's version of events...

My husband will help out if I ask him to even if it's something I've started.  But I also don't (1) do ridiculous things all the time and (2) always ask him to help me finish something I've started.[/quote]

OP here. Not sure what his version is, but as an example, we just purchased a new home but the backyard is unfinished and just dirt. We were going to hire landscapers but now DH has decided he wants us to move again within the next 2 years, so he won’t pay to get the yard done. I’ve been trying to do it on my own and he offers no help. Which is fine- a nice yard is much more important to me than it is to him- it just makes me a little sad when I hear about other husbands who actually give a crap. What’s also frustrating is he doesn’t want me spending time on the weekend working on the yard since that takes away attention from him.

He also isn’t interested in a lot of day-to-day things, like helping clean up after dinner, helping get DC ready for bed, family time that involves actual interaction rather than electronics, etc. I’m a SAHM, and I’m grateful so I’m okay with doing it all, I just wish he was a little more invested. PP described it perfectly with “buy-in”. It feels like he hasn’t bought into a family, he just wants to continue living his life and doing whatever he wants. [/quote]

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