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[quote=Anonymous]There is a large body of research that suggests that fighting that involves criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt leads to divorce.

So, it is not so much the content of the issues but how they are dealt with that leads to divorce.

An example of criticism would be telling your spouse s/he is stupid instead of saying how frustrated you are that x does not get done properly.

An example of defensiveness would be ignoring your spouses frustration (perhaps because they criticized you) in favor of telling them how great you are and everything that you do for them.

An example of stonewalling would be truly shutting your spouse out (probably after months and or years of fighting with criticism and defensiveness) and essentially giving them the silent treatment.

And finally, an example of contempt would be sneering at your spouse with disgust because you have concluded that you really think they are truly and totally an idiot that you wish you didn't marry. According to the research, this is the last and worst stage and means divorce is probably just around the corner.

So, if you want to avoid divorce, make an effort neither to criticize the character of your spouse nor to get defensive in the face of their pain (even if they criticized you).

And of course avoid the really bad stonewalling and contempt.

Easier said than done!!!!! [/quote]

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