Reply to Has anyone's marriage successfully overcome domestic violence?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

:thumbdown: It also depends on what is involved and the social context.

:thumbdown: [u]Remember all those old movies where the woman slaps the cheating cad?  (Or throws her wine in his face?).[/u] [b]Doesn’t make her an “abuser.”[/b]

:thumbdown: Similarly, [u]the occasionally frustrated shaking of someone’s shoulder[/u] etc. [b]doesn’t make someone an abuser.[/b]

:thumbdown: [b][u][i]Abuse is not occasional minor physically expressions of frustration[/i][/u][/b]—in many cultures that is normal for both men and women.

:thumbdown: [b]Abuse is when there is either a severe incident that inflicts or could inflict serious [u]physical[/u] harm or repeated incidents (even if non-physical) involving behavior that causes a [u]reasonable[/u] person to feel fearful or threatened with serious harm. [/b]

:thumbdown: [b]This is not to excuse even the more “minor” stuff but just to say that I think the more minor stuff can be relatively easily overcome, whereas serious or repeated physical brutality and threats is a lot tougher.[/b][/quote]

:arrow: I get with where you were trying to go with this, but I think that is the point and major cause for concern. 
 :arrow: There are a lot of conditions thrown in there that make this definition a bit restrictive towards the facts of how abuse works. 
 :arrow: Unfortunately, there are often areas of gray before you get to a clear black and white of the more recognizable forms of abusive behavior - whether physical, emotional, financial, sexual, mental.

:!: The examples you gave are all varying degrees of abuse: inappropriate use of power and control to hurt or injure by mistreatment.

:idea: Even if an abusive behavior seems "minor", t is an invasive weed that can rapidly grow and destroy everything around it. Most DV doesn't begin with a punch to the face. It begins with a milder form of the "gray" - that is still abusive.

:idea: Individual/societal tolerance of abuse at different places along the spectrum do not change the definition of what abuse actually is.[/quote]

Ummm, no. Every time someone yells or throws their arms in their air or pushes someone aside when they are leaving a room in a huff or "looms" over someone is not on the same spectrum with beating someone or choking them. It's dangerous to say they are since at that point people are going to lose their ability to identify true abusers.

Domestic abuse is a serious problem, but then there are also a bunch of people who want to identify every relationship problem as some form of domestic abuse.[/quote]

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