Reply to Has anyone's marriage successfully overcome domestic violence?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t know. My DH was abusive. More emotionally than physically: lots of yelling, cursing, insulting, slamming doors, threatening to leave, plus occasionally blocking,looming, and grabbing (my arm, my phone). He’s also military and he DEFINITELY has anger issues that go way beyonfpd our marriage: gets into fist fights with people, etc.

[b]I finally got him to go into therapy and on meds (bipolar). It took an ultimatum: therapy or the marriage is over.[/b]  It made a huge difference. After a year, he is now much less volatile and angry. In many ways s very different man.

But the jury is still out.... check back in a decade![/quote]

I wish all the best for you PP. But, I spent 16 years in a marriage that sounds very much like yours. Although my exH never took it outside our home. The abuse ebbed and flowed, with me "getting my H into therapy" or getting us into therapy, or trying to fix me, or trying to fix us. You get the picture. Things would be better for a while, a few weeks, months, a year. But then it would start back up. And always, always, I tried to fix it. Because he had me convinced by that point that it was my fault, and I was convinced that I was broken.

I finally got the courage to leave after an incident when he grabbed me and started cursing at me in front of our tween kids. I realized that I never wanted them to marry an abuser, or be an abuser. Three years out and I'm still coming to grips with the fact that I put up with his abuse for so long. To this day, many people don't believe that my ex could ever be an abuser. he's so nice, smart, well educated, successful, etc. So I'm very careful how I share my story. [/quote]

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