Reply to Has anyone's marriage successfully overcome domestic violence?

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Reply to "Has anyone's marriage successfully overcome domestic violence?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

:thumbdown: It also depends on what is involved and the social context.

:thumbdown: [u]Remember all those old movies where the woman slaps the cheating cad?  (Or throws her wine in his face?).[/u] [b]Doesn’t make her an “abuser.”[/b]

:thumbdown: Similarly, [u]the occasionally frustrated shaking of someone’s shoulder[/u] etc. [b]doesn’t make someone an abuser.[/b]

:thumbdown: [b][u][i]Abuse is not occasional minor physically expressions of frustration[/i][/u][/b]—in many cultures that is normal for both men and women.

:thumbdown: [b]Abuse is when there is either a severe incident that inflicts or could inflict serious [u]physical[/u] harm or repeated incidents (even if non-physical) involving behavior that causes a [u]reasonable[/u] person to feel fearful or threatened with serious harm. [/b]

:thumbdown: [b]This is not to excuse even the more “minor” stuff but just to say that I think the more minor stuff can be relatively easily overcome, whereas serious or repeated physical brutality and threats is a lot tougher.[/b][/quote]

:arrow: I get with where you were trying to go with this, but I think that is the point and major cause for concern. 
 :arrow: There are a lot of conditions thrown in there that make this definition a bit restrictive towards the facts of how abuse works. 
 :arrow: Unfortunately, there are often areas of gray before you get to a clear black and white of the more recognizable forms of abusive behavior - whether physical, emotional, financial, sexual, mental.

:!: The examples you gave are all varying degrees of abuse: inappropriate use of power and control to hurt or injure by mistreatment.

:idea: Even if an abusive behavior seems "minor", t is an invasive weed that can rapidly grow and destroy everything around it. Most DV doesn't begin with a punch to the face. It begins with a milder form of the "gray" - that is still abusive.

:idea: Individual/societal tolerance of abuse at different places along the spectrum do not change the definition of what abuse actually is.[/quote]

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