Reply to Would You Be Sad If You Ex-husband Died?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Would you cry?  Attend his funeral?  Be sad?  What are one's moral obligations under such circumstances? (And I understand circumstaces have a lot to do with it, but I'm curious to know).  [/quote]

I'm waiting.  He's been HIV+ for a few years.[/quote]

Oh wow.  Hopefully not while you were together! Is he high risk? I think people can live a full life with the new drugs. [/quote]

No, I left years ago.  Had myself checked twice in ten years just based on what I knew then.

He's lived a high risk lifestyle for years.  I wasn't at all surprised when I heard.

I'm honestly surprised he hasn't died another way.  [/quote]

I’m the pp who asked and boy do I get it. Now I probably would not be sad (for myself, maybe a little for my kids) but the death of who he was and who he was to me happened a long time ago. It is incredibly painful to watch someone kill themselves with poor choices. [/quote]

Agree with "the death of who he was happened a long time ago".  We split up because the lies he told me and continued to tell me even in therapy were so deep that it became clear the person I loved never really existed.  Whatever it was that I lost is something that I mourned over 15 years ago.  I would be relieved not to have any contact with him today.  I often fantasize about the moment when the kids are old enough that I can just cut him out of my life, even though I know, intellectually, there will be things that keep us connected - births, weddings, graduations, etc.

If I am sad at all when he dies, it will be for my kids, although they, as teenagers, have already begun the work of mourning what they lost - the father they wish they had rather than the one they do. 
[/quote]

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