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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a 14 year old daughter. Her dad and I are still married. There are times when she asks me to bring something up with her dad because she's uncomfortable about it. Because my husband and I both value each other's relationship with our child, when something like that happens, we talk through scenarios with her, and then have her be the one presenting the issue. If we had divorced, bitterly, I can imagine a scenario where we might not be as good at communicating with each other, and with encouraging her to communicate with us.

I'd ask her out to dinner, neutral ground, to talk about what's going on, what's bothering her, and what solutions she thinks might work. You should be listening at this meeting, not talking. And lest you think this is some sort of "divorced dad stuck with talking to his kid out at dinner" I'll say that when my daughter has had particular issues this has been a tactic we've used. 14 year olds are tough. They have a lot going on. Sometimes they need to know they have the floor in neutral ground. Stick with the mantra that you love her, and want to figure out a solution. You love her, and want nothing but the best for her. You love her, and you're there for her. And let her lay it out. It may well be that her issue is you're a harsher disciplinarian than her mother but it could be something else, and it really doesn't sound like parental alienation. Parents can have different standards for discipline without it being a tactic they're using against each other, and children can have preferences for one standard of discipline over the other.

Do you have any friends who are raising teenagers in intact families? Having someone like that you can chat with might give you a different perspective.[/quote]

Perhaps you could look at your approach and try to find ways to include her Dad.  You are deliberately separating your child from her father instead of saying, lets talk to him together.[/quote]

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