Reply to Big Law for moms: a survey

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just made partner at an AmLaw 50 law firm. I have 3 young kids, had the first one as a first year associate. My husband has a 9-5 job, and is the one who handles pick-ups and drop-offs. Some things that have made this doable for me:
• When the kids are babies, we co-sleep so they'll sleep through the night, so if I'm sleep deprived it's due to work, not from getting up 5 times a night with a baby. This has worked really well for us, and kids all easily transition to a bed once they are past the baby stage.
• I ask forgiveness, not permission. If I want to leave to go to a school event, I go. If I want to work from home with my sick kid, I do. I've never asked for a flexible schedule, I've just made my schedule flexible. I've been at a few firms (due to moves, I've never been forced out) and I've always been able to do what I want. I just make sure I'm generally responsive. Men don't ask permission to take their hour in the gym at lunch or whatever it is, so don't ask permission to do stuff for your kid. It has worked for me. 
• I don't try to do it all. My DH does a lot, bc I make most of the money. He could stay home if he wanted to but he prefers to work, and has a professional job. But he understands as long as I'm the one paying the mortgage, he needs to take on a lot of the house stuff. If his career takes off, I don't have a problem switching and I've told him that. The women I see burning out have husbands who make less money (so they can't afford to outsource everything) yet the women are still the ones doing all the kid-work. I don't get why women tolerate that crap. You are never going to get equality in the workplace if you can't even get it from your own spouse.[/quote]

A lot of women (like me) work the crazy hours, but don't want to give up the kid work.  My DH would do it, but I want to be the one to do it.  Hence my lack of work-life balance and the fact that I'm always tired and feel a lot of mom guilt.[/quote]

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