Reply to 17 year old DD refuses to take her little sisters to school

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP your 17 year old did not choose to have kids - you did. It's your job, not hers.

Also, this article has been making some rounds. You might find reading it helpful.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/10/when-kids-have-to-parent-their-siblings-it-affects-them-for-life/543975[/quote]

Oh boo hiss.  The mom isn't asking her to breastfeed.

Chores are chores and part of being a family.[/quote]

Absolutely. Contribute to the household is one thing, but being a caretaker for others is something else - she didn't choose to have kids and should not be required to pick up after others. Pick up after herself? Absolutely. If you want her to take care of your kids, maybe you should pay her?[/quote]

Do your kids only wash their own dinner plate after dinner?[/quote]

How is this similar? I'm thinking something like - if someone cook/prep, the others clean. It's a tradeoff.

Are the younger siblings doing something that really helps the older sister, where there's a sort of even exchange of duties? If so, what? But being the oldest does not mean you have to provide free childcare. If you want her to take care of others, pay her - but she's not a free babysitter.

And I say that as the youngest child in a large family. [/quote]

I am a middle child of five wo I do not have a beef with this.

BUT...

The younger kids were drug and carted all over God's green earth growing up to the older siblings' activities, plays, recitals, practices, games, etc etc.  The older kids rarely if ever attend the younger siblings events or activities, if ever.  If they are theboldest especially, they give the youngest siblings a fraction of the support that the younger siblings get back over the years growing up, even more so if there is more than a 2-4 year age difference.

This seems to hold true with every family I know that has more than two kids (like OPs family).

So the younger kids have given older sibling so much more than the older sibling gives to the younger ones. The teen years (helping to sit or drive, helping with homework, etc.) is a tiny way that teenage older siblings can give back to their younger siblings.[/quote]

Amen to this.  There are usually a lot of advantages to being the oldest, including little things like you generally get new clothes and not hand-me-downs, your toys have all the pieces, etc.  The little ones often get the dregs in a lot of ways.  When my oldest complains about something she has to do that the younger ones don't have to do, I point out all the advantages of being the oldest and all the things she's allowed to do that they aren't.  I think a lot of oldest kids never really get over the fact that they aren't the "only child" anymore and fall into a pattern of expecting things to revolve around their schedule.  It sometimes helps to refocus them on all the ways that the family is currently accommodating their wants, desire, etc.  Of course, there are also families that just treat the oldest girl as the live-in help -- that's not generally right in this day and age (although it was pretty common 100 years ago).[/quote]

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