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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
OP, your husband and his brother are extremely unwise to cut their mom off like this.

Here's why: If -- and it's only an "if" -- this man is an opportunist who intends to raid her bank accounts or get her house or whatever, there is no better way for him to worm his way into her life than by saying, "Look! Your own sons have cut you off even though you were widowed--wow, it's good you have me to rely on!" DH and BIL are practically writing that script for him with their decisions to stop seeing mom.

Your DH and BIL would do far better to see and contact their mom MORE and not less. First, they should stay in closer contact and visit because doing so would simply be kind, considering the loss that all of them have sustained. Second, they should do it because if they seem to have abandoned her, she will become more reliant on the boyfriend for all attention and affection, and she will be much more vulnerable to anything he suggests to her.

The brothers also have no idea (unless they know more than you mention in your post--?) whether this might be a good guy. You say he was a family friend; it's possible that he knows her very well and has for years, and that he is sincere in his attentions. But you don't seem to know "what he does all day" or much else about him. You'll never know, and will always have to assume the worst as your DH and BIL are doing now, if you don't stay close enough to MIL's situation for her to TALK to you, DH and BIL.

Isn't it likely that DH and BIL are angry with their mom for daring to start dating just seven months after their dad died? I've seen adult children revert to furious, petulant kids over widowed parents who date, even longer after the death than your MIL started. It might help if DH can admit that he's angry not just about her seeing this man but about her seeing any man at all, and if DH can then be self-aware enough to stow those feelings and resume contact with his mom. If the guy is truly kind towards MIL, then MIL has gained a gem; if the guy is on the make and trying to get her business or whatever, MIL is not going to see it in time--especially if she feels forced into this guy's arms even more because her sons have stopped seeing her.

DH and BIL are playing the role here of the parents who say to the daughter, "Don't you dare see Romeo!" It only makes him more attractive to her, to be told it's not appropriate. And it only makes her want to defend him. These brothers are helping to set mom up either to exit their lives (which would be sad) or to be scammed.[/quote]

OP listen to the Dirty John podcast.  This man was an opportunist.  "IF"

If he's not then at least your mom will have support. [/quote]

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