Reply to My 30 something brother is homeless and is ruining everyone's lives

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Find a different childcare arrangement.   Help your parents apply for low income housing and find other jobs.  If your brother does move to the area, it's unreasonable to think you will be able to keep him away from your kids if your kids are in your parents care regularly.[/quote]

Boundaries are key when dealing with this level of mental illness.

Your parents are incapable of setting them with your brother; honestly you have issues too since you were paying for their rent even before you knew all the money was gone (or you were taking their free childcare? Either way, holidays and family dinners)

You can't keep them from their son, so you must get your own childcare and have them find assisted housing.  I would have then pursue bankruptcy as well; that will help them prioritize and maybe enforce their limitations on what they give your brother.

You do not want to the one paying rent (are you on the lease?) for the place where your brother lives; as a loose cannon you could be liable for damage etc.

Al-anon stat. [/quote]

My parents are giving me free childcare -- I pay for them to live rent free while they watch my kids.  I guess I didn't make that clear enough before -- they are being paid in kind with free rent, and I get the bonus of having my nice parents care for my kids.  I can certainly hire an au pair or nanny to care for my children, but I can't afford to also pay for my parents' rent if I do that.  I am not that wealthy.  I realize that if my brother moves out here I wil lnot be able to stop him being around my parents, which means it would no longer be acceptable for my parents to provide childcare for my kids.  I've told them that.  [b]I want to prevent him moving here at almost any cost, but I am not willing to pay off his debts unless he gets in a treatment program[/b].[/quote]

You mustn't spend any more energy monitoring the actions of your brother. He is beyond your help or control. Do NOT pay of his debts in exchange for treatment, because he will walk out of that treatment facility. Don't have anything to do with him.

You are right that your parents cannot watch your kids anymore. You will need to check each time you see them that your brother will not tag along, and if that's the case, you just turn around and go home.

If they let him sleep in their apartment, you do not pay the rent (that you won't be able to afford anyway, so that's moot).

This is really the end of the road for you and your family, OP. If your parents are unwilling to cut your brother off, you will not be interacting with them to the level you have in the past. It's THEIR choice and THEIR guilt. You need to look out for your finances and your children.

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