Reply to How do American kids have so much confidence?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Because we're not taught to show deference to elders.  We grow up in a throw-away society, including throwing away our elders (nursing homes), rather than seeing elders as wise and experienced.

When children here interrupt they're listened to, whereas children elsewhere are taught to be quiet and listen. [/quote]

+10000! I, like the OP, is from a predominantly Asian society and I find kids here precocious. You're right to say that kids here are listened to for their input whereas when I was going up, children were seen and not heard. What I find problematic is that kids here grow up thinking that all of their opinions are automatically validated just because they have them...I know this cos I teach college students! 
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This is OP. I agree.

The way I grew up in a rigid culture with a strict heigharchy, I definitely did not have respect as a kid. As a kid, I wasn't seen as my own person but rather an extension of my family. I was encouraged to speak without being spoken to or make decisions for myself. What subjects I picked or what party I was allowed to go to was always up to debate with my parents and family.

As a result I am very unsure of myself and meek and feel that I don't even know what are my interests and what are the interests I adopted to please my parents! I am in therapy to sort myself out.

Meanwhile my fellow American teens were...scary to me. They were so young but they came from such a place of inner Confidence. They knew exactly who they were and what their interests are and what they like and dislike. Instead of deferring to their elders such as teachers and parents, they genuinely believe they knew best!

I think the confidence is great but they can also be very rude and short sighted. Just because a 16 year old thinks he knows best doesn't mean he really does![/quote]

But at least that 16 year old tries and, if she fails, she can try again or go on to something else.  That's far better than never trying anything at all and growing up to be unsure of your own interests, wants, and desires.  I can see how much more pleasant it would be if kids are automatically obedient and silent....but I wouldn't want to deal with an adult child that way.  My job as a parent is to prepare my children to leave my house and be functioning members of society and give them tools to be successful in whatever they choose to pursue.  Strict obedience doesn't cut it.

(I'm *not* suggesting that you aren't a functioning member of society OP -- you clearly are.)

Ideally, a blend of both cultures would be best - a child knowing that they should be respectful and seek out their elders life experience and that they have the elders support to strike out on their own.

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