Anonymous
Post 10/13/2017 08:17     Subject: Re:How do American kids have so much confidence?
Anonymous wrote:What you think is confidence is really disrespectful behavior. That might be tolerated in urban areas but not where I come from. Never has, never will.

Manners seem to be disappearing, being vulgar taking it's place. Snowflakes need melting.


Because refined people refer to other humans as snowflakes?
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2017 08:16     Subject: How do American kids have so much confidence?
If the purpose of posting here was to insult American kids, why mislead with the title? Confidence and insulting older people or not "kneeling" before them no matter what is not the same things. In fact, two behaviors have nothing to do with each other. Plus, I am not inclined to believe that ALL Indian kids never question an older person. That kind of claim sounds insane to me.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2017 07:50     Subject: How do American kids have so much confidence?
OP, we're also a first generation Indian family, but I arrived here at 4 and have never been back.

I don't see automatic deference to elders as a positive thing. They are not perfect beings and there's nothing wrong with questioning authority. Obviously yes, don't be a douche to teachers and professors, but I like that kids here are asked for their input on how they want to live their lives. The be seen and not heard type of mindset I'll never get behind.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2017 07:05     Subject: How do American kids have so much confidence?
^^ atrocities like this happen everywhere I am sorry to say, and that's not a reflection of the norm of teens and kids in any part of the world.

I grew up partly in the UK and partly on the East Coast here in the US. There were plenty of articulate, well mannered kids in my MS and HS. And there were the kids who got into fights in the corridor and got suspended. In the same way those kids existed in the UK. There were brats then as there are now, some 30 years later.

The difference I see between then and now are the kids who are raised mostly by "help". They don't learn to talk to adults in the same way. Many of them ignore parents at play dates and parties because they haven't been around adults other than those who "serve" them and as such, they are dismissive and don't engage. Its their loss and a loss for their parents who encourage such behaviors. I've seen this more on the West coast than the East I'd like to add...
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2017 05:42     Subject: Re:How do American kids have so much confidence?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Politeness and respect for elders is so ingrained in me that even now I naturally defer to my bosses and in laws and parents.



I dont believe in giving respect just cos someone is older to me. I love my parents dearly, but i do not defer to them automatically and queation some of their regressive ideologies openly. To me respect is only based on character and not based on age.


So that is why a group of thugged out kids slapped around my moms 50 yr old coworker. That is why a kid slammed down the body of a older woman when she asked them to respectfully quiet down the loud music and a 17 yr old raped a 90 yr old woman. GTFO with your disrespect for elders. It is the reason Americas kids are violent and are shittier by the year.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2017 06:53     Subject: How do American kids have so much confidence?
Anonymous wrote:I recall joining high school here fresh off the boat from India. I was struck by how totally self assured, confident, assertive and independent my classmates were! In India, we focus on being subservient and respecting institutions and higher ups and older people. In high school here, the kids run the show!

How do Americans gain such confidence and independence?


Disrespecting older people is probably not what you should aspire to, OP.

--another immigrant
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2017 03:06     Subject: How do American kids have so much confidence?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Because we're not taught to show deference to elders. We grow up in a throw-away society, including throwing away our elders (nursing homes), rather than seeing elders as wise and experienced.

When children here interrupt they're listened to, whereas children elsewhere are taught to be quiet and listen.


OP here.

This is what I observed. Back home, we had a very strict environment in our private school. When the bell rang everyone had to be in their seats and no one can speak until they raise their hand and the teacher calls on them. We were actually not encouraged to ask questions etc.

In America the kids just had such sheer confidence. They'd strut around the halls with attitude, talk in loud voices, laugh at the teacher, joke around etc.

I'm in my thirties and still wish this easy confidence can rub on me.


It's because in other countries kids are disciplined more without the fear of being called out for child abuse. Teachers in other countries are known to physically hit kids when they misbehave and seem to have as much authority as the parents. In America kids run the show because they are more protected and parents give them what they want or don't pay attention to what their kids are doing and give them more independence at a young age hence the reason kids have sex at earlier ages and misbehave in school and are just rude all around.


THAT IS COMPLETELY BULSHI. I visit my friend in Budapest and kids there have full sexual relationships by 13/14. Definitely by 15. The idea that American teens are sexually active at a younger age is hogwash

I didnt mean Europe but more developing societies. I mean Europe has some of the weirdest public sex videos. A nude woman was chained to a board and walking around in daylight all over a european city as tourists took pictures lol
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2017 22:33     Subject: How do American kids have so much confidence?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Because we're not taught to show deference to elders. We grow up in a throw-away society, including throwing away our elders (nursing homes), rather than seeing elders as wise and experienced.

When children here interrupt they're listened to, whereas children elsewhere are taught to be quiet and listen.


+10000! I, like the OP, is from a predominantly Asian society and I find kids here precocious. You're right to say that kids here are listened to for their input whereas when I was going up, children were seen and not heard. What I find problematic is that kids here grow up thinking that all of their opinions are automatically validated just because they have them...I know this cos I teach college students!


This is OP. I agree.

The way I grew up in a rigid culture with a strict heigharchy, I definitely did not have respect as a kid. As a kid, I wasn't seen as my own person but rather an extension of my family. I was encouraged to speak without being spoken to or make decisions for myself. What subjects I picked or what party I was allowed to go to was always up to debate with my parents and family.

As a result I am very unsure of myself and meek and feel that I don't even know what are my interests and what are the interests I adopted to please my parents! I am in therapy to sort myself out.

Meanwhile my fellow American teens were...scary to me. They were so young but they came from such a place of inner Confidence. They knew exactly who they were and what their interests are and what they like and dislike. Instead of deferring to their elders such as teachers and parents, they genuinely believe they knew best!

I think the confidence is great but they can also be very rude and short sighted. Just because a 16 year old thinks he knows best doesn't mean he really does!


But at least that 16 year old tries and, if she fails, she can try again or go on to something else. That's far better than never trying anything at all and growing up to be unsure of your own interests, wants, and desires. I can see how much more pleasant it would be if kids are automatically obedient and silent....but I wouldn't want to deal with an adult child that way. My job as a parent is to prepare my children to leave my house and be functioning members of society and give them tools to be successful in whatever they choose to pursue. Strict obedience doesn't cut it.

(I'm *not* suggesting that you aren't a functioning member of society OP -- you clearly are.)

Ideally, a blend of both cultures would be best - a child knowing that they should be respectful and seek out their elders life experience and that they have the elders support to strike out on their own.

Anonymous
Post 10/08/2017 21:59     Subject: How do American kids have so much confidence?
I think I know what gave you that perception. (not talking about entitled, rude brats that abound in the DMV). As an immigrant from Eastern Europe, I can see this confidence in my DD. The norm for me growing up, and for every other kid, was to be criticized by your parents, in my case mom mostly, non stop. "What do you think you are doing," "you are wearing that?" And then more select ones about my morality, ineptitude, etc. Not for a public forum. I was a great student, got into all the best schools and got into college. While college is free, my track accepted 53 applicants from the whole country. So, not in any way a problem kid, nor irresponsible. I made sure that I didn't raise my kids this way, I praise my kids, I don't use what she tells me as a weapon later on. I might be over doing it, tbh. It has to do with how you are being raised. If I yell, or make a mistake, I apologize. I asked my mom recently why she never gave me compliments when I was a child, she said why would she, her job is to correct the wrong.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2017 21:30     Subject: Re:How do American kids have so much confidence?
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Politeness and respect for elders is so ingrained in me that even now I naturally defer to my bosses and in laws and parents.



I dont believe in giving respect just cos someone is older to me. I love my parents dearly, but i do not defer to them automatically and queation some of their regressive ideologies openly. To me respect is only based on character and not based on age.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2017 20:34     Subject: Re:How do American kids have so much confidence?
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Politeness and respect for elders is so ingrained in me that even now I naturally defer to my bosses and in laws and parents.



Oh for f@cksakes, it is in me and my husband as well (Ohio and NoVA Americans) because our parents raised us this way. We are raising our kids similarly.

There are plenty of kids raised with manners and proper etiquette. The ones you notice are the little, annoying sh*ts. And, trust me, they are present to some degree in all industrialized nations.

Anonymous
Post 10/08/2017 20:29     Subject: How do American kids have so much confidence?
Whatever the reason, it's unwarranted.

Kids today are the dumbest they've ever been.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2017 17:15     Subject: How do American kids have so much confidence?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Because Americans are instilled from birth that they are exceptional simply because they're Americans.


I agree but it's so delusional as to actually be sad. Nothing exceptional about the US anymore (except in bad ways maybe).


Bah humbug.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2017 17:14     Subject: Re:How do American kids have so much confidence?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You're confusing entitlement with confidence.

And disrespect

Kids nowadays are absolutely horrific.


+100000000

Even has a youngster, I was shocked with the way some classmates disrespected teachers, their parents and other classmates.


They are out of control. Cocky SOBs.

OP - you are totally confused dude.



How much time have you spent overseas ot with foreign children and teens? It doesn't sound like you understand what OP is talking about.

She's not talking about disrespectful, out-of-control kids, she's talking about well behaved kids.


17 years


You really see no difference between polite well behaved American kids and polite well behaved European or Asian kids? Or only out-of-controlness? It hasn't been my experience (I don't mean this in a dismissive or invalidating way).
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2017 17:01     Subject: How do American kids have so much confidence?
Anonymous wrote:Because Americans are instilled from birth that they are exceptional simply because they're Americans.


I agree but it's so delusional as to actually be sad. Nothing exceptional about the US anymore (except in bad ways maybe).