Anonymous wrote:I think my spouse has aspergers. A good friend who works with autism told me she suspected he was on the spectrum before getting married. The symptoms are now obvious to me though they were not pre-marriage. He is socially inept, doesn't make eye contact, doesn't empathize, and a poor communicator among other things. I'm at my wits end with it. As communicating and day to day life is becoming torture. I'm so annoyed that I just feel bitchy all the time and I'm sick of it. I have asked my spouse to seek ,education help multiple times to no avail. Anyone else deal with this? What should I do?

Anonymous wrote:hopefully he leaves you and finds someone who loves him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP?

Yes

Aspergers are prominent in men. It is passed down from father to son.

Not true. Aspie mom of daughter. Learn facts

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP?

Yes

Aspergers are prominent in men. It is passed down from father to son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP?

Yes

Aspergers are prominent in men. It is passed down from father to son.

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure why people are attacking OP.

What she says is true: people on the spectrum can often hide their symptoms from those we do not live with and even from you live with, as long as the daily circumstances are not too stressful and we are allowed alone time.

I am what is believed to be a rarity: a woman with autism. I also have a near-genius IQ and I'm high functioning, with a good, white-collar job. People outside my home do not know about my struggles because I control the circumstances under which they see me and am associated with indicia of success and stability. At work, I put on a performance socially and study cues very closely. Even then, I am more likely than not to be found in my office with the door closed and I often take a longer route to the bathroom and avoid the cafeteria in order to minimize my social interactions to those that I choose to initiate. I see my friends no more frequently than every few months because that is really all I can sustain with incredible stress that socializing at work put on my resources.

I believe I am happily married, although my husband's emotional reactions are sometimes opaque to me and I struggle to understand. But I believe that if my husband were to be interviewed, he would report that I was a slightly aloof, but engaging, witty, and fun person. Only know that he lives with me under the pressure of two children and the pressure of in-laws who insist we socialize with them regularly does he see that I am actually a loner and I am extremely detail oriented and very rigid about schedules. Most of our arguments revolve around details that he got wrong and that I am having an emotional reaction to. I also dislike inaccuracies in recalling previous conversations and use of imprecise language. It has taken me years to understand how my perfectionism and extremely high standards regarding organization and details are crushing to people who are neurotypical. I am also very secretive because I have certain behaviors that are anxiety-relieving, which I know are to neurotypical people. So, I need to be alone sometimes just to be my weird self.

Anyway, I think my husband would say that being married to me is rewarding because I really do make our household run and I am also more successful and motivated professionally and financially than most women. The traditionally feminine job of managing our interactions with family and socialization has fallen to him, however. Left my own devices, I would not see people I love more than once or twice a year. I also refuse to take phone calls because phone conversations make me anxious.

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure why people are attacking OP.

What she says is true: people on the spectrum can often hide their symptoms from those we do not live with and even from you live with, as long as the daily circumstances are not too stressful and we are allowed alone time.

I am what is believed to be a rarity: a woman with autism. I also have a near-genius IQ and I'm high functioning, with a good, white-collar job. People outside my home do not know about my struggles because I control the circumstances under which they see me and am associated with indicia of success and stability. At work, I put on a performance socially and study cues very closely. Even then, I am more likely than not to be found in my office with the door closed and I often take a longer route to the bathroom and avoid the cafeteria in order to minimize my social interactions to those that I choose to initiate. I see my friends no more frequently than every few months because that is really all I can sustain with incredible stress that socializing at work put on my resources.

I believe I am happily married, although my husband's emotional reactions are sometimes opaque to me and I struggle to understand. But I believe that if my husband were to be interviewed, he would report that I was a slightly aloof, but engaging, witty, and fun person. Only know that he lives with me under the pressure of two children and the pressure of in-laws who insist we socialize with them regularly does he see that I am actually a loner and I am extremely detail oriented and very rigid about schedules. Most of our arguments revolve around details that he got wrong and that I am having an emotional reaction to. I also dislike inaccuracies in recalling previous conversations and use of imprecise language. It has taken me years to understand how my perfectionism and extremely high standards regarding organization and details are crushing to people who are neurotypical. I am also very secretive because I have certain behaviors that are anxiety-relieving, which I know are to neurotypical people. So, I need to be alone sometimes just to be my weird self.

Anyway, I think my husband would say that being married to me is rewarding because I really do make our household run and I am also more successful and motivated professionally and financially than most women. The traditionally feminine job of managing our interactions with family and socialization has fallen to him, however. Left my own devices, I would not see people I love more than once or twice a year. I also refuse to take phone calls because phone conversations make me anxious.

Anonymous wrote:Armchair diagnoses of "aspergers" and "narcissist" and "borderline" seem to be rampant these days. Don't make things complicated. Go to counseling and let a pro observe how you two communicate so she can offer objective advice.